The adoption looms large in our household, and has bifurcated the family. Hamslice is ready to send Little Ham away, Hambone and I are "all in" and ready to sign the papers tomorrow if we could get them. Little Ham's response is a little different.
We had a good conversation about it yesterday right before bed. (We are able to have real conversations now without dissolving into screaming) He asked if he would be able to sleep in bed with Hambone and I after the adoption is final. I said, "no, probably not, but you don't have to worry about the adoption anymore, we have already decided we want you to stay."
He said, "Well what if I don't decide to stay."
I said, "You can say whatever you feel to the social worker and she will make a decision accordingly."
He said, "I wonder if she could show me some pictures of other families. I don't want to meet them and do Skype calls and all that, but I would like to see what my options are."
I said, "We could probably do that. BUT, if you get to look at other families, then we should probably look at some other kids, just to see what OUR options are."
Little Ham immediately closed the discussion, because he does NOT want us looking at other kids. He needs to have these really "on the line" discussions, and when he hears that we're open to his ideas, then he starts to hear how it sounds to say it out loud and he changes his mind. But I think talking through it is better than me closing down the discussion right away.
The social worker comes next Thursday. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, September 07, 2016
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Hamslice Movie Creator
This past week, Hamslice and Little Ham were at Club Scientific. Hamslice did a creative camp, which I was pretty sure he'd hate, but it turns out he kind of liked it.
It was a stop-motion (used to be called claymation) class and he made this movie, which is pretty neat (as his Mother, I think it's Oscar worthy!)
NOTE: There is a false ending where it says "I Hope You Enjoyed It." This runs for about a minute and then there's more.
It was a stop-motion (used to be called claymation) class and he made this movie, which is pretty neat (as his Mother, I think it's Oscar worthy!)
NOTE: There is a false ending where it says "I Hope You Enjoyed It." This runs for about a minute and then there's more.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Two steps forward...
We were successful in postponing the forensic interview -- Little Ham is not in the mood to talk to anyone besides "normal people" which means he blew off his interview with our social worker, refused to talk to his therapist, and so on. He seems to have decided he is cured all by himself.
Of course, he isn't.
We are beginning to spot mis-wired neural pathways from his troubled past such as:
I have learned though, that the key is "small doses of Mom." If I decide to spend a super fun all day interactive day with these boys, they resent it almost as soon as I begin. Their day is spent finding fault with everything I do, and blaming me for all things in the universe.
Days work better with Mom at the computer, checking in with the boys from time to time, and the boys do their thing. It's an adjustment, but I am also realizing it's the key to a little freedom for me as well.
Of course, he isn't.
We are beginning to spot mis-wired neural pathways from his troubled past such as:
- Trust -- he has no idea how this works
- How to disagree in a constructive way -- right now it devolves immediately to screaming
- How to be friends with family -- it's a constant struggle for power, as if that is all there is to being in a family.
I have learned though, that the key is "small doses of Mom." If I decide to spend a super fun all day interactive day with these boys, they resent it almost as soon as I begin. Their day is spent finding fault with everything I do, and blaming me for all things in the universe.
Days work better with Mom at the computer, checking in with the boys from time to time, and the boys do their thing. It's an adjustment, but I am also realizing it's the key to a little freedom for me as well.
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
3 month check in Part 2
We have made a lot of progress since our last post.
Today, Little Ham got new glasses (the prescription he had from Colorado was WAAY out of wack). All of the reading avoidance and issues with him rubbing his eyes and having red eyes seems to be cleared up in one easy step.
We also had a therapy appointment, where the therapist said she sees clear attachment with Little Ham and our family, and she sees no signs of RAD anymore. While he is still traumatized, which will take a long time to heal, he definitely considers us his family and wants to be with us.
We have also learned that the medication Little Ham came here with is not prescribed at a useful dose level, so we have the option of stopping medication if we choose to do so -- it isn't doing anything now, and we would have to really mega dose to have an effect. We have some thinking to do.
The tantrums and running away and door slamming and breaking stuff seems to have subsided for the time being. The therapist thinks this may have been is 'ultimate test' to see if he can make us get rid of him. Because we didn't crack, he is relaxing into the family. (maybe.)
Meanwhile Hamslice has learned so many social skills that he is actually surviving and (dare I say thriving?) at camp Puh'Tok and he wants to invite people for his birthday party. I am still breathless at the news.
The two boys have also become relentless Pokeman players, and they know all the cards and levels and attacks and... whatever else Pokeman do. It's really interesting to see them working together on the game.
Today, Little Ham got new glasses (the prescription he had from Colorado was WAAY out of wack). All of the reading avoidance and issues with him rubbing his eyes and having red eyes seems to be cleared up in one easy step.
We also had a therapy appointment, where the therapist said she sees clear attachment with Little Ham and our family, and she sees no signs of RAD anymore. While he is still traumatized, which will take a long time to heal, he definitely considers us his family and wants to be with us.
We have also learned that the medication Little Ham came here with is not prescribed at a useful dose level, so we have the option of stopping medication if we choose to do so -- it isn't doing anything now, and we would have to really mega dose to have an effect. We have some thinking to do.
The tantrums and running away and door slamming and breaking stuff seems to have subsided for the time being. The therapist thinks this may have been is 'ultimate test' to see if he can make us get rid of him. Because we didn't crack, he is relaxing into the family. (maybe.)
Meanwhile Hamslice has learned so many social skills that he is actually surviving and (dare I say thriving?) at camp Puh'Tok and he wants to invite people for his birthday party. I am still breathless at the news.
The two boys have also become relentless Pokeman players, and they know all the cards and levels and attacks and... whatever else Pokeman do. It's really interesting to see them working together on the game.
Friday, July 01, 2016
3 month update - The Face of Fury
We have learned of new abuse in Little Ham's past, so now we are working with Gilpin County to make sure the documentation is all there. We have had calls with the sheriffs office and will talk with Little Ham's lawyer next week. This poor dude, what *hasn't* happened to him.
As far as the family goes, we have developed a kind of gallows humor that takes us through Little Ham's many tantrums. My suspicion is that he has been treated as "uncontrollable" and has managed to escalate his tantrums to whatever level is needed to get what he wants.
Sound familiar?
So he is not sure what to do with a family that does not respond to tantrums of any scale. Lately, he has gone to such lengths as 'running away' where he stands in the yard and waits for us to chase him. And we don't. So then it's this eerie scene where we are all sitting inside, and then this face appears in the window. The face of fury. And he bangs on the doors/windows to get us to chase him. Which we don't.
Eventually he comes in when the tantrum is over and sits next to us like nothing has happened. Except he is very sleepy. These tantrums exhaust him, so he generally takes a cat nap within a few minutes of calming down.
While the tantrum is happening, Hamslice, Hambone and I sit still and talk about our day, with only a few references to the fury happening in or outside the house. Basically we just wait until it's over and then we can go back to our day together. After bedtime though, sometimes Hambone and I do imitate the scenes a little, because it is hilarious and we need to blow off steam.
The tantrums are beginning to subside, due to lack of effectiveness. On the flip side, when Little Ham does something well, he gets good rewards. He is realizing that one way of behaving works much better than the others. But I think he is also really attached to the tantrums, and needs them every so often.
So we aren't sure this will ever really end, but we are enjoying the times in between.
As far as the family goes, we have developed a kind of gallows humor that takes us through Little Ham's many tantrums. My suspicion is that he has been treated as "uncontrollable" and has managed to escalate his tantrums to whatever level is needed to get what he wants.
Sound familiar?
So he is not sure what to do with a family that does not respond to tantrums of any scale. Lately, he has gone to such lengths as 'running away' where he stands in the yard and waits for us to chase him. And we don't. So then it's this eerie scene where we are all sitting inside, and then this face appears in the window. The face of fury. And he bangs on the doors/windows to get us to chase him. Which we don't.
Eventually he comes in when the tantrum is over and sits next to us like nothing has happened. Except he is very sleepy. These tantrums exhaust him, so he generally takes a cat nap within a few minutes of calming down.
While the tantrum is happening, Hamslice, Hambone and I sit still and talk about our day, with only a few references to the fury happening in or outside the house. Basically we just wait until it's over and then we can go back to our day together. After bedtime though, sometimes Hambone and I do imitate the scenes a little, because it is hilarious and we need to blow off steam.
The tantrums are beginning to subside, due to lack of effectiveness. On the flip side, when Little Ham does something well, he gets good rewards. He is realizing that one way of behaving works much better than the others. But I think he is also really attached to the tantrums, and needs them every so often.
So we aren't sure this will ever really end, but we are enjoying the times in between.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Flipping the switch
This weekend, Little Ham flipped the switch and started calling us "Mom and Dad". Or... if he wants candy, "Mommy and Daddy".
2 months to the day since his arrival.
2 months to the day since his arrival.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Attitude in the Classroom, anyone?
Hamslice's last day of school is today, and while he is regarded as one of the smartest kids in the class, his current report card shows Ds and Fs.
Why is that, you ask?
Darling Hamslice has decided to take charge of his own education, which means he's learning all the concepts quickly. However, during test taking, he gets a bit of an attitude. His thinking is this, "If I have demonstrated that I understand the concepts on page one of the test, I should not have to keep repeating myself on the other pages."
Therefore, he TEARS OUT the pages that he feels are repetitive and throws them in the trash. So while his peers turn in a 7 page test, he turns in only 3 pages. Of course, all 3 pages demonstrate a different skill, and all skills are represented, yet he fails the test.
It's really hard to be mad at him about this, because it feels like genius to me. Of COURSE you wouldn't waste your time repeating yourself. I get it hon. If I had it to do over again I'd be right there with you.
Why is that, you ask?
Darling Hamslice has decided to take charge of his own education, which means he's learning all the concepts quickly. However, during test taking, he gets a bit of an attitude. His thinking is this, "If I have demonstrated that I understand the concepts on page one of the test, I should not have to keep repeating myself on the other pages."
Therefore, he TEARS OUT the pages that he feels are repetitive and throws them in the trash. So while his peers turn in a 7 page test, he turns in only 3 pages. Of course, all 3 pages demonstrate a different skill, and all skills are represented, yet he fails the test.
It's really hard to be mad at him about this, because it feels like genius to me. Of COURSE you wouldn't waste your time repeating yourself. I get it hon. If I had it to do over again I'd be right there with you.
2 months and all is well
Tomorrow marks our 2 month anniversary of being a foursome. We have definitely had our ups and downs, but are figuring out some of the causes of behaviors. For Little Ham, the issue is that he has shame about his many family losses, choosing to blame himself for all of it. He talks about being a bad baby, and being a bad kid often when he is really upset. This means any discipline that we impose reinforces his 'bad kid' idea, and makes things way more intense.
We've found that if we warn that 'a consequence' will happen if a behavior continues, the behavior stops immediately. His goal is to be not only a good kid, but a 'perfect kid'. This in and of itself may cause problems along the way, but at least we know what he wants more than anything else. If we show the good kid path, he is likely to follow.
Hang in there Little Ham, we're catching on...
We've found that if we warn that 'a consequence' will happen if a behavior continues, the behavior stops immediately. His goal is to be not only a good kid, but a 'perfect kid'. This in and of itself may cause problems along the way, but at least we know what he wants more than anything else. If we show the good kid path, he is likely to follow.
Hang in there Little Ham, we're catching on...
Saturday, May 21, 2016
And the Truth Comes Out... A memoir from Hamslice
Today Hamslice and I had the newly-rare experience of riding together in the car... just the two of us. And since we have been busy with Little Ham, I wanted to check in, so I asked Hamslice if he noticed anything different about me and Hambone now that we're not all up in his grill all the time.
He said, "I noticed you're a lot nicer now that I'm not spending 100% of my time trying to get revenge on you." And I busted out laughing. It was a huge belly laugh of acknowledgement and relief.
Earlier conversation had included a litany of things Hamslice dislikes about Little Ham, but after this revelation, we both agreed that we have a lot to be thankful about. Little Ham nudged our family dynamic in this very positive new direction and it has improved parental relations quite a bit with Hamslice.
Hamslice then detailed his revenge plotting, his timing and schemes against me all these years. "I know just how to push your buttons, Mom," he said.
Ahh Hamslice.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Achieving Status Quo
The 18th marks one month of our new family dynamic, and I believe we're going to do just fine. Little Ham and I have been working through control issues and how to handle shut downs, with some good progress.
And this morning we talked about how hard Mother's Day was last week. I asked him if he was struggling with it and he said, "yeah." I said it was a lot of pressure to put on someone who just arrived in a new home a week ago. He seemed to appreciate the fact that I noticed, and I told him how brave he was to put together cards and make his way through the holiday anyway.
Hamslice has been an absolute trooper through this process as well. He went from being 'in love' on day 1 to 'in hate' on day 3 to starting to figure it out this week.
In the mornings they like to go outside to pick up sticks and rocks as a way to earn some spending money. They have realized that teamwork is the way to greater profitability, and they are starting to communicate with a greater goal in mind. This is fixing many issues between the two of them, and it provides a way to soothe their constant competition for parental attention.
It feels like we're starting to become a family. =)
And this morning we talked about how hard Mother's Day was last week. I asked him if he was struggling with it and he said, "yeah." I said it was a lot of pressure to put on someone who just arrived in a new home a week ago. He seemed to appreciate the fact that I noticed, and I told him how brave he was to put together cards and make his way through the holiday anyway.
Hamslice has been an absolute trooper through this process as well. He went from being 'in love' on day 1 to 'in hate' on day 3 to starting to figure it out this week.
In the mornings they like to go outside to pick up sticks and rocks as a way to earn some spending money. They have realized that teamwork is the way to greater profitability, and they are starting to communicate with a greater goal in mind. This is fixing many issues between the two of them, and it provides a way to soothe their constant competition for parental attention.
It feels like we're starting to become a family. =)
Friday, May 06, 2016
And then there's this. (handkerchief please)
This weekend is Mother's Day, and I was not sure what to expect from Little Ham. Hamslice got the flu so I know there is no card coming home from school from him.
Little Ham... Well... see for yourself. *sniff*
Love that guy...
Little Ham... Well... see for yourself. *sniff*
Cookies, redux
Yesterday Little Ham and I did some good healing work together. Our work was in the morning, and after school he asked for two of my cookies, he ate them AND said they were good.
=)
=)
Thursday, May 05, 2016
An illustration, using cookies.
I've been getting some questions about what it looks like to take someone you don't know into your home and pretend to be a family after one fateful Monday night. Instead of trying to *actually* explain it, I'll tell you about making cookies.
On Saturday, I decided to make homemade cookies as a treat for my boys. Little Ham is very excited about cooking and wanted to help, so of course I let him. However, cookie baking is a pretty loaded subject for someone who has been through 6 homes. Apparently every single new mom he's had (including his biological grandma) made cookies together with him as an ice breaker.
While we were mixing ingredients, a lot of stories came out about who would let him snoop what during the process. Grandma let him eat butter and chocolate chips. Mom L let him have some of the batter, and so on. I made him wait to snoop until we were at the very last step before baking, which was not very popular -- someone was pretty sure he wanted to eat a whole stick of butter.
At the final taste/snoop time, Little Ham took a bite of dough and said "This tastes TERRIBLE" and spit it out. He then told me how much Mom L's cookies were better than mine.
I baked the cookies without his assistance, because he then wanted to leave to go play with Hamslice.
After the cookies were baked, he tried one and again insisted they were terrible and he couldn't even finish one.
The next day he forgot that they were my cookies, and he ate one and asked for another. I smiled hugely, and he then changed his mind and reminded me that the cookies are gross.
The next day, he took one store bought cookie in his lunch *and* one of mine, but I pretended to not notice. When I asked about the cookie later he insisted that he threw it in the trash.
When I brought this up in therapy, Little Ham told the therapist that Mom L's cookies were "Magical."
And so this is what it's like to have a new kid in your house who has a whole life they've already lived without you. It will take time and a lot of love, but I still believe that maybe in a year or two, he'll eat my cookies. Stay tuned.
On Saturday, I decided to make homemade cookies as a treat for my boys. Little Ham is very excited about cooking and wanted to help, so of course I let him. However, cookie baking is a pretty loaded subject for someone who has been through 6 homes. Apparently every single new mom he's had (including his biological grandma) made cookies together with him as an ice breaker.
While we were mixing ingredients, a lot of stories came out about who would let him snoop what during the process. Grandma let him eat butter and chocolate chips. Mom L let him have some of the batter, and so on. I made him wait to snoop until we were at the very last step before baking, which was not very popular -- someone was pretty sure he wanted to eat a whole stick of butter.
At the final taste/snoop time, Little Ham took a bite of dough and said "This tastes TERRIBLE" and spit it out. He then told me how much Mom L's cookies were better than mine.
I baked the cookies without his assistance, because he then wanted to leave to go play with Hamslice.
After the cookies were baked, he tried one and again insisted they were terrible and he couldn't even finish one.
The next day he forgot that they were my cookies, and he ate one and asked for another. I smiled hugely, and he then changed his mind and reminded me that the cookies are gross.
The next day, he took one store bought cookie in his lunch *and* one of mine, but I pretended to not notice. When I asked about the cookie later he insisted that he threw it in the trash.
When I brought this up in therapy, Little Ham told the therapist that Mom L's cookies were "Magical."
And so this is what it's like to have a new kid in your house who has a whole life they've already lived without you. It will take time and a lot of love, but I still believe that maybe in a year or two, he'll eat my cookies. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, May 03, 2016
A note about honeymooning
Much like being married, I don't know that there's a specific second when you know the honeymoon is over, it just sort of "occurs."
These last few days we have been tested by Little Ham, and to our credit, he's using his best material. However, he doesn't have any idea who he's dealing with here. Our ability to deflect meltdowns and oppositional behavior borders on professional level. He keeps trying to control us, but that just doesn't seem to work either.
It seems that we get long spurts of good behavior, peppered with humongous meltdowns.
Sound familiar?
We are also learning about tag teaming, where sometimes either Hambone or I will be at loggerheads with Little Ham, so the other takes over for the evening. That seems to diffuse further bad behavior, and gives both parent and child a chance to reset.
We had a tough Thursday last week and a tough Monday this week, but in between we have a lot of laughter and hugs and smiles. We are still enjoying ourselves very much.
These last few days we have been tested by Little Ham, and to our credit, he's using his best material. However, he doesn't have any idea who he's dealing with here. Our ability to deflect meltdowns and oppositional behavior borders on professional level. He keeps trying to control us, but that just doesn't seem to work either.
It seems that we get long spurts of good behavior, peppered with humongous meltdowns.
Sound familiar?
We are also learning about tag teaming, where sometimes either Hambone or I will be at loggerheads with Little Ham, so the other takes over for the evening. That seems to diffuse further bad behavior, and gives both parent and child a chance to reset.
We had a tough Thursday last week and a tough Monday this week, but in between we have a lot of laughter and hugs and smiles. We are still enjoying ourselves very much.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Brotherly love?
Today was Little Ham's first day of school. Oh such anxiety! Both boys were up at 5am, but Little Ham spent most of his time grooming for school. 45 minutes of hair combing, and packing/repacking his lunch box made him pretty busy. He wore his backpack most of the morning in order to be ready to leave at any time.
Finally to calm him, we left for school 10 minutes early, which meant 20 minutes of just waiting for the doors to open. He is SO excited!
Some of you have been asking how the 'sibling stuff' is going, and I will say it's a huge change. Hamslice and Little Ham bounce back and forth from Best Buds to Mortal Enemies several times each day, which has me and Hambone a bit bewildered. Hambone says it's normal boy kid stuff, so I'm just taking it as it comes. I have been measuring the ME time VS the BB times, and we do have a positive swing on the BB time, so I feel like we'll get there. They're doing special little boy friendship moves like showing each other their "business" and telling secrets.
Little Ham referred to Hambone and I as "Mom and Dad" when talking to his therapist on Monday, and when talking to the people at school. At home it's still "Ms. T" and "Mr. T" although I did hear a "Dad Hambone" slip out yesterday.
Current favorite activity to do together (besides the trampoline) is fishing in the pond behind our house. It's a nice quiet thing to do where they can just "be" without too much talking.
Finally to calm him, we left for school 10 minutes early, which meant 20 minutes of just waiting for the doors to open. He is SO excited!
Some of you have been asking how the 'sibling stuff' is going, and I will say it's a huge change. Hamslice and Little Ham bounce back and forth from Best Buds to Mortal Enemies several times each day, which has me and Hambone a bit bewildered. Hambone says it's normal boy kid stuff, so I'm just taking it as it comes. I have been measuring the ME time VS the BB times, and we do have a positive swing on the BB time, so I feel like we'll get there. They're doing special little boy friendship moves like showing each other their "business" and telling secrets.
Little Ham referred to Hambone and I as "Mom and Dad" when talking to his therapist on Monday, and when talking to the people at school. At home it's still "Ms. T" and "Mr. T" although I did hear a "Dad Hambone" slip out yesterday.
Current favorite activity to do together (besides the trampoline) is fishing in the pond behind our house. It's a nice quiet thing to do where they can just "be" without too much talking.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
"Oh my Gosh"
Little Ham has been working hard to integrate into the family. I am deeply impressed with his courage and resilience as he tackles yet *another* family (we are his 4th) and does his best to learn the rules and be friendly.
Yesterday I heard him muttering under his breath "Oh my gosh" over and over, which was a phrase I hadn't heard yet. It sounded peculiar -- not like his other phraseology and his intonation was the not the same as when he says other phrases. I listened and listened, and then realized that he was imitating *Me*.
With all of the unusual behavior in our family, I have muttered the phrase "Oh my gosh" as a little coping mechanism when things are just super bizarre. I must have been muttering this over and over this week as we were working on our family integration. It was adorable to hear it coming from this little guy and I choose to believe means I'm "in there" somewhere in his schema.
Yesterday Hamslice had "club friendship" which is his social thinking therapy group. At the end of group, his facilitators were beaming -- they couldn't believe how good his behavior was and how "in tune" he was with his group mates. This is what we were hoping for all this time.
Regarding "getting in there" with Little Ham, we had a good sign last night when we were reading before bed. Usually Hamslice leans against my shoulder and Little Ham sits to the side. Yesterday, Little Ham asked to sit on my lap and he leaned against my arm and did a snuggle for one full book. By the second book he wanted to sit on the floor, but I'll take a whole book's worth. =)
This morning at breakfast Little Ham was talking about his name, and how he didn't like his given first name. We talked about how we get to change it officially in 6 months and he gets to be "first name that you like" + "Our last name" and he his comment was, "Can we do it in one month?"
Honeymooning is great stuff. Hambone says "Wait till the honeymoon is over." He's probably right, however this part is pretty cool.
Yesterday I heard him muttering under his breath "Oh my gosh" over and over, which was a phrase I hadn't heard yet. It sounded peculiar -- not like his other phraseology and his intonation was the not the same as when he says other phrases. I listened and listened, and then realized that he was imitating *Me*.
With all of the unusual behavior in our family, I have muttered the phrase "Oh my gosh" as a little coping mechanism when things are just super bizarre. I must have been muttering this over and over this week as we were working on our family integration. It was adorable to hear it coming from this little guy and I choose to believe means I'm "in there" somewhere in his schema.
Yesterday Hamslice had "club friendship" which is his social thinking therapy group. At the end of group, his facilitators were beaming -- they couldn't believe how good his behavior was and how "in tune" he was with his group mates. This is what we were hoping for all this time.
Regarding "getting in there" with Little Ham, we had a good sign last night when we were reading before bed. Usually Hamslice leans against my shoulder and Little Ham sits to the side. Yesterday, Little Ham asked to sit on my lap and he leaned against my arm and did a snuggle for one full book. By the second book he wanted to sit on the floor, but I'll take a whole book's worth. =)
This morning at breakfast Little Ham was talking about his name, and how he didn't like his given first name. We talked about how we get to change it officially in 6 months and he gets to be "first name that you like" + "Our last name" and he his comment was, "Can we do it in one month?"
Honeymooning is great stuff. Hambone says "Wait till the honeymoon is over." He's probably right, however this part is pretty cool.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Day 3 and All's Well
Little Ham has been doing well here so far -- three nights in a row with no nightmares and no waking in the middle of the night to play with toys. He and Hamslice are also figuring out how to talk to each other with meaning. They are starting to have shared experiences and there is finally enough content to talk about that the conversation isn't just about "what I know" Vs. "what you know."
Hambone and I are amazed at how joyful it is to listen to the kids talk to *each other* instead of constantly to us. We had an actual sidebar conversation at dinner last night while the kids had their own conversation and that was like a whole new world for us.
Their favorite activities are "car trading" where they line up all their matchbox cars and trade for features like speed, color and shape and they are also riding bikes together a lot. We made up a new game yesterday with bounce discs to start building motor control/regulation in both of them and that went well. Oh and they are on the trampoline a lot too.
It is interesting to listen to Hamslice talk to Little Ham -- when he is using his 'best personality' he uses a lot of phrases that I say and redirects conversation like I do. I honestly was under the impression that he had no idea what I have ever said to him. It makes me feel all squishy inside.
Little Ham is very thoughtful, asking for ways to help with tasks that I'm working on, and opening/holding doors for everyone. He is working so hard right now to earn his place in this family, and I wish he knew that he doesn't need to earn his spot, that it has been here all along.
Anyway, all the experts say this is the Honeymoon phase and the real stuff is coming yet. I am not sure what the real stuff is going to be, or how bad, so I am documenting the good so we have a breadcrumb trail through whatever comes next.
Hambone and I are amazed at how joyful it is to listen to the kids talk to *each other* instead of constantly to us. We had an actual sidebar conversation at dinner last night while the kids had their own conversation and that was like a whole new world for us.
Their favorite activities are "car trading" where they line up all their matchbox cars and trade for features like speed, color and shape and they are also riding bikes together a lot. We made up a new game yesterday with bounce discs to start building motor control/regulation in both of them and that went well. Oh and they are on the trampoline a lot too.
It is interesting to listen to Hamslice talk to Little Ham -- when he is using his 'best personality' he uses a lot of phrases that I say and redirects conversation like I do. I honestly was under the impression that he had no idea what I have ever said to him. It makes me feel all squishy inside.
Little Ham is very thoughtful, asking for ways to help with tasks that I'm working on, and opening/holding doors for everyone. He is working so hard right now to earn his place in this family, and I wish he knew that he doesn't need to earn his spot, that it has been here all along.
Anyway, all the experts say this is the Honeymoon phase and the real stuff is coming yet. I am not sure what the real stuff is going to be, or how bad, so I am documenting the good so we have a breadcrumb trail through whatever comes next.
Monday, April 18, 2016
The Arrival
It took Little Ham and his social worker quite a while to navigate the airport and make their way to the house. They arrived at 2:30 am and I was up to greet them.
Little Ham's first thought was to give gifts to our family -- 1/2 bag of pistachios and 6 pieces of gum (two pieces for each of us, he figured). He then offered to sell all of his toys in a garage sale tomorrow to help raise money for our home.
We went upstairs right away for bed time. We read two books, Fly Guy and The Way I Feel and then I asked him if he was Mad/Sad/happy/Scared and he said he was happy. He fell right asleep and made it through the night with no nightmares and no incidents.
Off to a good start!
Little Ham's first thought was to give gifts to our family -- 1/2 bag of pistachios and 6 pieces of gum (two pieces for each of us, he figured). He then offered to sell all of his toys in a garage sale tomorrow to help raise money for our home.
We went upstairs right away for bed time. We read two books, Fly Guy and The Way I Feel and then I asked him if he was Mad/Sad/happy/Scared and he said he was happy. He fell right asleep and made it through the night with no nightmares and no incidents.
Off to a good start!
Midnight Delivery - the Ham Red Eye
Our new little ham's plane touches down at BWI in about 20 minutes. It's midnight, and I am the designated "waiter upper" for his arrival. And I am so excited I can hardly stand it.
He was supposed to arrive yesterday, but there was a massive blizzard in Colorado (on April 17!!) that cancelled every flight out of Denver until about 10 this morning. He and his social worker were lucky enough to get on a late night flight for tonight, so here we go!
He will get to the house around 1:30 AM and I get to put him to bed in his own room for the first time in our house. It's a big day...
Safe travels, little man. Your new Mom is waiting for you.
He was supposed to arrive yesterday, but there was a massive blizzard in Colorado (on April 17!!) that cancelled every flight out of Denver until about 10 this morning. He and his social worker were lucky enough to get on a late night flight for tonight, so here we go!
He will get to the house around 1:30 AM and I get to put him to bed in his own room for the first time in our house. It's a big day...
Safe travels, little man. Your new Mom is waiting for you.
Friday, April 08, 2016
And we have a New Ham to talk about
This morning we received confirmation that our little guy from Colorado is coming to visit on April 16 and that this visit (if it goes well) will morph into PLACEMENT automatically. So for those of you not "in the system," this means he has a 3 day visit but then does not go back to Colorado. He will stay with us for a month test, then contiguously for six months of foster placement and then into a permanent adoptive placement.
It's here! We get to be with our new son!
I am brimming with excitement, but of course it is only 6am so I have to wait until everyone else gets up to share the news. So I write it here! 17 months of planning and hoping and now it's happening!!!
AHHHHHH
It's here! We get to be with our new son!
I am brimming with excitement, but of course it is only 6am so I have to wait until everyone else gets up to share the news. So I write it here! 17 months of planning and hoping and now it's happening!!!
AHHHHHH
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