Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Pregnancy Symptom #68, Melmacian Hiccups

For some unexplained reason, the last few months of my pregnancy have been plagued by the sporadic Melmacian Hiccup. Hambone has wondered what in the world is causing them, because they aren't like regular hiccups.

These ones brew like a volcano, then erupt as ONE SINGLE GIANT HICCUP, and then nothing.

Here's a sound clip from the TV Show ALF that describes Melmacian Hiccups in better detail and gives a sample If anyone remembers the show ALF, you will also remember that ALF was a space alien.

There must be some connection. . .

Friday, May 18, 2007

Just Call Me "Grace"

Now that my tummy has extended farther forward than anything else on my body would ever dare to go, I've found my balance a little less reliable than it used to be. This is yet another fascinating wrinkle in my pregnancy's quest to remove all personal dignity.

With the big belly, I can't see my feet unless I lean over a little bit. This means any uneven parts of the sidewalk are now free to attract the toes of my shoes, causing me to pitch wildly forward. I've found this to be a terrific attention-grabber -- nobody likes to see a pregnant woman flailing toward the ground unassisted.

On the up side, it is nice to see people in a more helpful frame of mind. Before I was pregnant, I'd wipe out on the sidewalk all the time and people didn't even pause to consider helping. This new behavior makes me optimistic.

3 1/2 months to go...

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Chesapeake Slacker

Ever since I started "slowing things down" to provide a more healthy atmosphere for my growing Ham Slice, I have uncovered what seems like DECADES of fatigue waiting for me.

Now that I'm not running here or there with the phone constantly ringing, I feel like I could sleep all day. Not just normal sleep either - I'm talking the kind of sleep where you wake up in a puddle of your own drool with a backache because you haven't moved for hours. As soon as I wake up in the morning (usually at Hambone's urging) I feel like I could crawl back under the covers and start over.

Last night, for instance, I had a terrible headache during the night. The reason I know that is because the people in my dreams were complaining about how badly their heads hurt, and when I woke up I had a headache.

Did I wake up to take care of it? No. That's how I roll these days.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hel-LOOO My Face is Up HERE

So today I didn't have any out-of-the office meetings, so I thought I'd wear a very comfortable-looking maternity dress that I bought very early (read: pre-belly) in the pregnancy. I have put off wearing this dress because it has huge green polka dots all over it, which really isn't my style. I bought it because I thought it might be fun for a cotillion or some summer gala. (This is how my brain works with all the hormones running through it. When would I ever be caught dead at a cotillion in real life?)

What surprised me is that this was one of those dresses made for the ladies who are Super Interested in showing off their bellies. In my travels I've found you can either wear belly disguising gear, or belly emphasizing gear. This dress turned out to be the latter.

On catching my reflection in the mirror, I concluded that I looked like a polka-dot hippopotamus, even though I'm not that pregnant yet.

The dress is ridiculously comfortable, though, so I went out for lunch in high spirits because I felt good. However, the looks I got from people were unexpected.

The men I passed in the market were constantly checking out my belly. I'm used to their eyes flicking around from my face to my chest, but the staring at my belly was really obvious and unusual. I wanted to stop some of the more obvious oglers and say, "Hey BUDDY, my Face is UP HERE"

Maybe I should just put the dress away.