Diapering 101

Hamslice has learned a new trick that I can't quite figure out. While he's sleeping, he manages to pee out the top of his diaper and soak all of his clothes, and the bed.

I thought I had figured it out when I started making sure that "the wee wee points down" when I put on new diapers, but that doesn't seem to fix the situation either.

Even better, Hamslice really dislikes being wet, so as soon as he performes this hydraulic feat he starts screaming as though the moon and the stars were falling from the sky. And he has figured out how to time this trick for 3:30 AM each day.

Awesome.

Growing like a Weed

Yesterday was Hamslice's one month checkup with the pediatrician. He has already grown nearly an inch and gained 2.5 pounds! Clearly he's headed toward being tall and strong like his daddy.

He is also able to lift his head up on his own now, which seems like quite a feat because his neck just doesn't seem big enough to lift those super chubby cheeks.

On another note, some of you have asked how Maggie the dog is doing with Hamslice. So far she seems to be adjusting well -- each time we come home, she sticks her nose right into the car seat to make sure he's with us. And occasionally she'll give him a sniff while he's sleeping.

When he first came home, though, there was some confusion about who this new person was. I think she thought Hamslice was a new dog, and she was rather upset when Hamslice was able to sit on the sofa with us. As soon as she saw him on the sofa, she jumped up on the sofa herself, thinking "if the new dog can get up there, then surely I can be there too." She was a bit miffed when she was ordered back onto the ground.

She also thinks this "new dog" is a little noisy for her tastes. Some times when he's fussy, Maggie will wake up from her nap just long enough to give him the stink eye. Poor Maggie.

Figuring it out

It turns out the reason I was getting a little frustrated with Hamslice was that I had the stomach flu. I was feeling puny and nauseated, but I figured it was because of the fatigue. However, the next night Hambone came down with it.

Trust me, this flu was less attractive on Hambone than it was on me.

Now that I'm feeling better, things are back on track. Hambone and I both are completely infatuated with the little guy. It's surprising how attached we've become.

Ahh, Reality

We've been seeing a little more of this lately than we were hoping for, but everyone says this is par for the course. I'm still trying to figure out how much exactly to feed this guy -- if I let him eat until he stops, then he throws up all over the place, and if I try to guess by myself, then he acts hungry all the time.

While I said all along that I didn't need child care books, I have started reading them copiously. They're a little helpful, but not as much as I had hoped. Maybe what I'm really hoping for is someone to sit next to me all day and tell me how to do this.

I think yesterday he had a sore tummy, because today he's much quieter and more cheerful...

Hamslice Super Star

In response to lots of requests for a picture of Hamslice with his eyes open, I am uploading this one -- his Super Star pose. His eyes are very dark blue/gray right now, but I suspect they will turn brown over the next few months like his Dad's.

Many thanks to the DV Gang for sending the cookies & balloons. Hambone and I had cookies for dinner last night. =)

Hambone meets Hamslice

This picture was taken at 7am on Hamslice's birthday. He was about three hours old at this point, and it's the first time Hambone picked him up and had a good look. (We had seen him in the OR, but because I kept throwing up it lacked a little romance)

This morning was a peaceful time, filled with narcotics for me and baby-daddy bonding for Hambone.

Ah the miracle of birth.

Meet Hamslice

Here's Hamslice -- he was born on Friday August 25 at 4:07 in the morning. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches long.

The delivery was not the piece of cake they make it out to be on TV, but now that it's over, who cares. Look at him! What a cutie



This little boy decided to flip breech on the Monday before the 25th, which meant we scheduled him to be flipped and induced on the 24th. The night before the inducement, he flipped again to the right position, so we just induced.

11 hours later, we were ready to start pushing, but it turned out he was facing the wrong way (back to front) so they pushed him back in and gave me a C-section at 4 am on Friday.

I was pretty tired after all of that, and it seems I am a little too sensitive to the epidural medicine. That stuff made me throw up during the later stages of labor and constantly during the C-section. I suppose that's why my tummy was stitched back together a little off center.

Now that it's over, I have a little boy wwho is more adorable than I had thought he would be, and the bonding is going well. I'm a proud momma.

Directionally Challenged

On Sunday night I started to really feel foul. I know the last month of pregnancy isn't supposed to be a high energy time, but this was really something exhausting and uncomfortable.

Thinking I was in labor, I went to the doctor on Monday after tracking irregular contractions about 7-10 minutes apart. She said that our little Ham Slice wasn't even close to coming out, and that the reason I felt so yucky was that he had turned almost completely breech.

We went for a quickie ultrasound, and sure enough, he was laying across my belly like a Miss AMERICA sash with his buns lodged off center in my pelvis and his head in my right lung.

So now we're scheduled to try to have him turned (Versioned is the medical term) on Friday morning, with an immediate induction after that to get him out. If that doens't work, it's C Section time.

I told Hambone that Ham Slice was acting "Just like a Man" and isn't asking for directions to find the right way out. Hambone says he thinks the baby has inherited his Mother's sense of direction.

Either way, Friday is the day. We're all looking forward to that. In the mean time, I am staying at home under doctor's directions to "keep your butt above your head as much as possible." We'll see how that work out for me.

Nesting Transference

I've been reading in my baby books that around now I should be hit by this "big burst of energy, and the need to clean my house." This is otherwise known as 'nesting.'

I have not, however, experienced this in the least. But what's funny is that I think Hambone is experiencing it by transference.

Last weekend I found him on his hands and knees in the kitchen with a scrub brush and a bucket of soapy water, muttering "Filthy. This is just filthy." He was referring to our tile floor that neither of us have paid much attention to in the three years we've lived there. He wanted to run to the store to get a scum buster because he felt that the grout was simply not getting clean enough with the scrub brush. I was sure he had lost his ever-lovin' mind.

If he was that affected, I can only imagine what will happen when (if) it hits me. Oy.

The Final Countdown...

Today I realized that it is only five weeks and five days until my due date. Hot holy damn, am I ready.

Five weeks and five days from now I'll be able to lie down without getting heartburn, and I'll be able to roll over without a six pound lump rotating in the opposite direction in my gut, kicking my bladder in protest.

Plus, of course, I get to meet this kid who has been on my mind so much these last several months. That will be interesting too...

But I have to say that really, it's a tie between meeting him and not having heartburn anymore.

Where are my Rolaids?

Stretch marks, AWESOME

In one of my more fabulous moments, I was watching TV with Hambone last night with my shirt riding up over my belly.

Hambone commented that it looked like I had a stretch mark or three on my belly. Horrified, I denied it and claimed it was simply a red mark from the elastic on my shorts.

Before I went to bed, I checked for myself, and sure enough, three of these offensive little buggers had taken up residence on the dark side of my belly (the part I can't see unless I use a mirror)

This morning I looked at my belly in the mirror, and LO and BEHOLD, during the night the underside of my belly became a fairly accurate representation of a map of the Mississippi River Delta. Seriously, there are more than thirty stretch marks down there.

And here I thought I'd make it with my belly skin in tact. Heh. Think again...

I Miss My Feet

My ultra-huge belly has started posing practical problems, such as making me unable to reach my feet. Currently I have a bushy ring of leg hair around each ankle, where I can't get low enough with the razor.

Some people (I hear) get pedicures from their husbands at this point in their pregnancy, but Hambone has moved more into supporting me by doing laundry and dishes, leaving me and my feet to contend with each other.

Last week I tried to clip my big toe nails, and I successfully trimmed the left one. When I got to the right side, the baby shifted while I was in the middle of a clip, and I wound up cutting off half of my toenail.

*sigh*

Six weeks to go.

Hambone takes a Stroll

Wednesday my parents sent us a stroller / car seat set from our registry, which is very much appreciated. We opened the box to assemble everything when we got home from work, because we were pretty interested in seeing how it all fit together.

After the stroller was assembled, we snapped the car seat on top (it's one of those double seat contraptions) and Hambone took it for a tour around the kitchen.

The expression on his face was priceless -- my guess is this was probably the first time he's ever had his hands on the business end of a stroller, and he was so nervous and proud all at the same time as he strutted around behind it. He was also testing it to see how it handled around corners. Very important man-business. =)

His comment was, "They should make these with inflated tires and shocks," which I think means it passed his inspection.

Dinner with the Belly

My brother came to town for a business meeting and we wound up grabbing a bite of dinner together. Hambone brought the camera along to snap a quick pic of all 4 of us, unfortunately he couldn't find someone to hold the camera, so he didn't get in the picture.

What you see here is me, my brother, and Ham Slice in a little group.

If you splice Hambone into the picture instead, it looks something like this

Worst Baby Diagram EVER

As many moms-to-be tend to do, I've spent the last seven months copiously researching fetal development and looking for representative photos of Ham Slice at each milestone.

Most of the pics on the Web are lovingly captured 4-d ultrasound images, or carefully drawn illustrations of how beautiful the child development process is.

Today I found this image that I had to share, becuase it's... well... so different than these others. Look how the baby looks more like a Thanksgiving turkey with a human head on it than anything else. AND this is the first drawing I've seen that shows a live turd in the Mom's body.

I find this picture refreshing in a way. As some of my earlier ramblings have suggested, this is not all glamour here. And now that I've seen this illustration, I'll figure it's normal if Ham Slice comes out looking like a turkey.

What a relief.

Pregnancy Aerodynamics

OK, Ok I know I have been harping on this whole "my body is changing" thing ad nauseum. However, I'll bet you never thought about how having a giant belly would change your aerodynamics, now did you.

Case in point: yesterday I had a meeting downtown, so I was wearing one of my "fancy" maternity dresses--the kind that ties above the belly and tries its best to hide the whale carcass below.

It was blustery outside in a pre-thunderstorm kind of way, so I was very careful to keep my hair from blowing around too much. This is normal.

What's not normal is this: Because my belly makes my skirt hem lie so far away from my legs, it's easy for the wind to really get up under there and make everything blow. In one particularly windy spot, my whole dress blew up around my face all the way up to the bottom of my bra. That must have been quite a sight for my fellow Baltimoreans -- me at 7 months pregnant showing my WHOLE BUSINESS to passers by.

Nice. Simply delightful, really.

Pregnancy Symptom #68, Melmacian Hiccups

For some unexplained reason, the last few months of my pregnancy have been plagued by the sporadic Melmacian Hiccup. Hambone has wondered what in the world is causing them, because they aren't like regular hiccups.

These ones brew like a volcano, then erupt as ONE SINGLE GIANT HICCUP, and then nothing.

Here's a sound clip from the TV Show ALF that describes Melmacian Hiccups in better detail and gives a sample http://www.tvshows.de/alf/sounds/alfhickh.wav. If anyone remembers the show ALF, you will also remember that ALF was a space alien.

There must be some connection. . .

Just Call Me "Grace"

Now that my tummy has extended farther forward than anything else on my body would ever dare to go, I've found my balance a little less reliable than it used to be. This is yet another fascinating wrinkle in my pregnancy's quest to remove all personal dignity.

With the big belly, I can't see my feet unless I lean over a little bit. This means any uneven parts of the sidewalk are now free to attract the toes of my shoes, causing me to pitch wildly forward. I've found this to be a terrific attention-grabber -- nobody likes to see a pregnant woman flailing toward the ground unassisted.

On the up side, it is nice to see people in a more helpful frame of mind. Before I was pregnant, I'd wipe out on the sidewalk all the time and people didn't even pause to consider helping. This new behavior makes me optimistic.

3 1/2 months to go...

The Chesapeake Slacker

Ever since I started "slowing things down" to provide a more healthy atmosphere for my growing Ham Slice, I have uncovered what seems like DECADES of fatigue waiting for me.

Now that I'm not running here or there with the phone constantly ringing, I feel like I could sleep all day. Not just normal sleep either - I'm talking the kind of sleep where you wake up in a puddle of your own drool with a backache because you haven't moved for hours. As soon as I wake up in the morning (usually at Hambone's urging) I feel like I could crawl back under the covers and start over.

Last night, for instance, I had a terrible headache during the night. The reason I know that is because the people in my dreams were complaining about how badly their heads hurt, and when I woke up I had a headache.

Did I wake up to take care of it? No. That's how I roll these days.

Hel-LOOO My Face is Up HERE

So today I didn't have any out-of-the office meetings, so I thought I'd wear a very comfortable-looking maternity dress that I bought very early (read: pre-belly) in the pregnancy. I have put off wearing this dress because it has huge green polka dots all over it, which really isn't my style. I bought it because I thought it might be fun for a cotillion or some summer gala. (This is how my brain works with all the hormones running through it. When would I ever be caught dead at a cotillion in real life?)

What surprised me is that this was one of those dresses made for the ladies who are Super Interested in showing off their bellies. In my travels I've found you can either wear belly disguising gear, or belly emphasizing gear. This dress turned out to be the latter.

On catching my reflection in the mirror, I concluded that I looked like a polka-dot hippopotamus, even though I'm not that pregnant yet.

The dress is ridiculously comfortable, though, so I went out for lunch in high spirits because I felt good. However, the looks I got from people were unexpected.

The men I passed in the market were constantly checking out my belly. I'm used to their eyes flicking around from my face to my chest, but the staring at my belly was really obvious and unusual. I wanted to stop some of the more obvious oglers and say, "Hey BUDDY, my Face is UP HERE"

Maybe I should just put the dress away.