Ecosystem...Interrupted

The new house has had a 130 year old ecosystem within its walls that we discovered as we went through the demolition process.

It started with the bees (which we found first) and the honey from the bees drew mice into the house. There were several dozen mouse nests in the walls, and we found one live mouse in the kitchen -- I had he exquisite pleasure of pulling down a piece of plaster with a mouse behind it.

As we moved down the house (from top to bottom) we found many, many snake skins. They were wrapped around the roof joists, the electrical wires, and many times the water pipes. Some were over three feet long. Eeeewwwww

But, now that we have displaced the snakes, the toads have moved in. Hambone just sent me a picture of the newest plague.

Let's see... in the bible there were 10 plagues.... we're on #4...

Understanding SPD by Being There

As we journey with Hamslice through Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) together there are a lot of times we can forget about it, and there are some times where it comes right up to the surface and can't be ignored.

Yesterday was Hamslice's class field trip to a farm just outside White Marsh. I was surprised to see that Hamslice wasn't looking forward to it AT ALL, and wondered what an excursion like this meant to him.

At the Very Last Minute (there's that stellar Mom side of me coming to the surface...) I volunteered to chaperone the field trip and was gratefully accepted onto the bus that had no shock absorbers. After an hour of very loud and bumpy bus travel, we wound up at the farm.

Apparently, when traveling with 20 first graders and very few moms, there winds up being a lot of down time while lining up and counting the children. Hamslice did OK until the field trip started to break down because there were too many kids on the farm, which meant we were relegated to the corn field, where a very nice lady tried to teach the kids some songs about corn.

After the third song, he really started to lose it. Big time. I pulled him aside and asked what was the  matter, and he said that all he could hear were the other kids shouting. He couldn't hear his own voice to know whether or not he was on pitch, and it was super frustrating. Furthermore, he said, "You promised me this would be fun and so far it is not at all fun."  This, my friends is tell-tale SPD behavior. The blaring of sound in his head, the frustration  in processing it, and the blaming/anger.

So we agreed to stand on the perimeter of the class where he would be able to hear himself singing, and hear less of the others. That worked OK for him. We also splintered off of the group for a little while to do more in-depth discussion about sunflowers and caterpillars. Some of the other kids went with us to learn about which birds eat sunflower seeds, and to talk about whether or not bugs eat sunflower seeds.

By the end of the trip, both Hamslice and I were exhausted, but I think he really had too big of a day. On the bus ride home, he curled up in my lap and snuggled almost the whole way. And after school he fell asleep for an impromptu (and unheard of!) two hour nap.

We are still learning our way through what it means to be Hamslice, but I am happy that I am able to be with him to develop strategies and coping mechanisms for these situations. Event by event, one at a time we will get there.

Behavior Modification that You can Do At Home!

So all the professionals can look on in awe -- I've created a behavior modification program right in my kitchen that works like a charm! It's the CHART Game (pictured below)

  

When to use it: If your kid is having a hard time understanding when they have been bad, or understanding why it is more important to be good instead of bad, it's time for the CHART Game

Here's how it works: Your kid picks a reward that they would absolutely do ANYTHING to get. In our case, Hamslice wanted to download a video game onto the iPad.

We set the YAY (see the big bubble at the end of the green squares) to "Download one video game" and the BOO (see the end of the red square side) to "Delete one video game"

Every time a good behavior happens, they get to color in a green square. Every time a bad behavior happens, they have to color in their own red square. (It is important to have them fill in their squares)

Mom labels both the good and bad behaviors so that they can be reviewed in the future by either mom and child, or read aloud by Dad when Dad gets home from work. The labeling also helps you catch them if they break rule #3 below.

Each time Mom redraws the chart after a reward or punishment (the red squares meet the red bubble or the green squares meet the green bubble) the chart gets longer. I started with 7 squares on each side, and now we are up to 55 squares on each side. The goal is to have the squares become the reward instead of the physical rewards of video games or cookies or whatever.

RULES:
1) Only one square per episode. If there is a major outburst, it still only earns one square.
2) Lying automatically earns a red square (so if they lie about how well they behaved at school, for example... one red square)
3) Coloring additional green squares without permission automatically earns one red square.

Enjoy!

 

Hamslice Update

Many of you have been asking "How's Hamslice doing? What happened when school started again this year?"

So I have an update for you, and the good news is that so far it's pretty good stuff.

We wound up enrolling Hamslice in the local public school, right here in Federal Hill. And believe me I did so with incredible trepidation. When I went there to sign him up, there were some large scale mothers from Sharp Leadenhall there, yelling about stuff and blocking up the counter. but I carried through and after four attempts (on different days) was able to enroll him for fall.

My thinking was this: "It's a practice school. He can go here and learn to do school, and then we will see what's next." The flip side was this "If he can't handle even this school (where some pretty tough cases come through) then we know it's time for special ed or homeschool."

On our first day, I walked him to school and held his hand while things got started for the morning. He was the blonde in a sea of corn rows and little shaved heads. The moms mostly knew each other and were belly laughing and carrying on, meanwhile I was so nervous -- watching Hamslice to see if his nerves were under control. He, however, was a little champ. He did just fine.

Three days later, I get a frantic call from the office -- your son has flipped his lid. So I ran to school and found him in the nurse's office speaking in a high squeaky voice and hiding under the bed. Here we go, I thought.

But I took the words of AB to heart (from her visit this summer), and told him that we needed to eat some food and then get back to class. No more days off for freaking out, Mister. And POOF -- that was the end of any further episodes. To date, nothing even close to a tantrum. All better.

Now that school is actually about school, he is doing very well at math, his reading has exploded and we are all happy to see him mastering concepts one after another. He is very excited now about being the "good kid" and that means something to him now that there are others who are a little worse behaved than he is in school.

This week we bid our last therapist good bye, and we are flying solo. I haven't removed them from speed dial, but we are ready to try this ourselves. Here goes nothin!

Beware of the Bees!

This week the demolition began on our new house. All of the plaster needs to come down in all rooms so we can replace lead pipes, add HVAC, replace knob & tube wiring, and add insulation.

We hired Mr. Jim to do the demo because, man, that guy knows how to tear stuff up.  Two hours after he began swinging his sledge hammer, he was swarmed by something like 300 angry bees. Maybe more

Hambone got an urgent call from Mr. Jim, requesting three full cans of bee/wasp spray. He could hear the bees buzzing in the background of the phone call.

After the dust cleared, it all made sense. Just look at how many hives had been built between the roof and the plaster on the 3rd floor. Yikes!

Bee hives all over the interior walls of the house

Buried Treasure

So it turns out that the previous owner of the new house was a bit of a hoarder. Well, more than a bit. We didn't notice how bad it was during the home inspections because the house is so big that it looked like "some piles of stuff all over the place."

However, as we cleaned out the rooms, we filled three dumpsters with garbage. And to help you really get the scale of the mess, let me tell you that these aren't trash cans, or even the kind of dumpsters you'd see behind a restaurant or school. These are full-on semi trailer sized dumpsters.

And we filled three. So far.

But before you get to feeling too sorry for us, in all of the trash we found a bit of treasure. Here are just some of our big scores:

• Life Magazine in mint condition that describes the Andrea Doria crash for the first time
• 1930's porn (eeew)
• 1 full bottle of DDT
• 1 full bottle of something that smelled even scarier than the DDT
• Harper's Bazaar describing the Titanic disaster for the first time
• Several stock/bond certificates from the early 1900s that we could perhaps try to cash in, but they look so cool we may save them as art
• Confederate money -- several $1, $5 and even $100 bills
• An old quackery medical device from Raytheon that actually microwaves your skin
• Blueprints from the 1980 restoration of the Statue of Liberty
• Contestant photo from the 1954 Miss America Pageant
• A handwritten letter describing a suspected murder
• Divorce papers from the 1950s
• Land deeds and titles from 1850 - 1918

 So all in all, a pretty cool treasure hunt.

In other news, the poison ivy has now spread to all family members -- including the dog. And we found out that hemorrhoid cream is the  most effective treatment for the itchy bumps. It's all good.

Exploring Poison Ivy

The new house seems to have been built on some sort of poison ivy super site. We suspect that this property is the breeding ground for all other poison ivy in the United States.

We discovered it this weekend. I was out in the yard cleaning up old tires and cinder blocks when I noticed all these vines running across the lawn and up the trees. Without a second thought, I reached down and pulled up as many as I could. And of course since they were vines, they draped down my arms and legs. Some of them smacked me in the face.

Hambone comes walking up to me holding out his phone with a picture of poison ivy on the screen. He looked at me and just kind of cleared his throat. I dropped the ivy.

After a minute to think about it, and possibly descend into the deepest depths of madness, I declared "Well so what. Poison ivy doesn't even make me itch. Watch." And I cleaned out the whole yard with a determination previously un-witnessed.

Fast forward to Wednesday, after all the poison ivy has seeped into my skin and I can hardly manage to stop clawing at my skin long enough to write this. Ung. This morning I was so desperate for relief that I spread myself all over with baking powder paste.

Do Not touch. This is poison ivy.

 The good news is that it's all gone from the yard.... for now. I saw more on a tree yesterday as we drove off the property. We will have to figure out a better way to deal with it. Maybe next time I'll wear pants and a long sleeved shirt.

You Can Take Ham Out of the City but...

While it's true that you can take hard core city folk and physically transplant them into the country, but it takes a while to catch onto country living.

We closed on the house Wednesday, and on Thursday (last night) to clean up and organize the house for the renovation. Upon arriving, we noticed an abandoned van on the lot next door. We thought "That's weird."  Then we saw that one of the french doors on the front of the house was standing open, with broken wood all around it.

Damn

Inside, many of the antiques we had purchased at the auction were gone. They left the paper and clothing, but they took our urns, old surveyor's gear, some wooden pulleys -- only stuff that a hard core antique hunter would be after. We thought that we had been "hit" by some people who were frustrated by the auction. Or maybe by some night-flying stars of Trash in the Attic.

So we called the cops just to get a report. Because the house is not insured, we couldn't file for any kind of help there, but we wanted the police to be around to understand what's happening.

While the police were there, Hamslice started screaming BLOODY MURDER behind the house. We all three took off running. (for the record, Hambone was the fastest, then me, then the cop) Hamslice had been bitten pretty badly by the neighbor's dog. And the cop was like "I can't leave here without doing a dog report." So now there are two reports being done on in one evening.

 I said "Heck, while you're at it, come look at this van" and we did -- the van had no license plates on it, and when the cop ran the VIN, it came up as "never ever owned by anyone. No record."

So... less than a stellar beginning here, but it does feel like home. Or, at least what we're used to.

Hamslice Fugitive

This weekend we were in Michigan for a nice family visit with Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie Bet, and K&M. It was also the weekend of M.Borto's wedding reception. So as you can see it was pretty action packed.

Hambone opted (wisely) to stay home and get some work done.

So this means Hamslice and I had a lot of time together and he had some time with relatives. He had his first "on his own" sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa and had a great afternoon throwing apples and walnuts with K&M. And don't forget his afternoon/evening with Parker & Pals at m.borto's event.

On the way home, Hamslice and I had a little spat and he stormed off to an airport bench to sulk. I came up behind him and asked what's up, and in a most sincere voice he said, "I just don't think I can live with you anymore."

So I offered to bring him rolls of quarters every Monday so he can live off of vending machine food in the airport. He didn't like that idea very much, so we picked up our suitcases and went home.

Hamslice Hillbilly

We close on our new house on Wednesday, and we are already having an adventure about this place. It turns out that a house like this (super old) is a real challenge to buy. The assessed value has come in from different vendors (Mortgage/insurance) in such a range that Hambone and I just started laughing. One estimate came in 30% higher than what we are paying, and the other came in 3 1/2 TIMES higher than our price.

However, the house nets out as un-mortgageable and uninsurable through traditional venues because nobody can really get a handle on the value of the property. When I broke the news to Hambone, he looked at me like I was a toddler trying to drive a car. "Let me handle it" he says. He thinks it's hilarious when I try to work on a rehab property.

And for all of you who have been jonesing for pics of our new house, here's a bunch of them.

The photo above is of the house when it was new -- 130 years ago. Note the lack of trees!

This photo shows the house with the old carriage cover across the front. We're planning to rebuild that.

Blessed, Golden Silence

I have excellent news to report: we are now going on FOUR WEEKS without a single phone call or incident report sent home from camp about Hamslice. I feel like we may be getting a peek of sunshine over here, and I am encouraged to think that we may be able to pull off this parenting thing afterall.

Well. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

At any rate, he has made it through two weeks of Club Scientific (which he looooved) and he is now in Camp Puh'tok which is more of a general "fun summer camp" which he finds a bit dull.

Here are my tips for success:
1) Per AB's advice -- every morning I let Hamslice know that I have meetings "all day" so he can't pitch a fit and have me pick him up. This is key. Thank you AB.

2) We are keeping a closer eye on Hamslice. It is getting pretty clear when he's worn out from too much camp, and every few weeks we give him a day off. These days off help him reset and tackle some more time with "the mortals."

We have also come to the end of our intensive therapy over the summer, so now things will be a little more normal. It is nice to have my home office back to myself again to actually get some work done!

Silence. Blessed, golden silence.

Deposing Woody Allen

During the course of Hamslice's treatment and further assessments, we're learning that his giant brain is causing the following combination of adverse sensory issues:

• Visual Hyperstimulation
• Auditory Hyperstimulation
• Vestibular Hyperstimulation
• Proprioceptive Hypostimulation

In an nutshell, this means that everything he sees, feels and hears drives him slightly crazy. He also has no idea where his body is most of the time, so that makes him very nervous about movements such as leaning, balancing, floating on his back and so on.

So basically, without treatment, he would turn into Woody Allen. (Thanks to Nina for connecting the dots here.)

We also found it ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING that the treatment for this exact set of symptoms is to get him outside doing things like mowing the lawn, vacuuming, weeding, and walking the dog. And I am completely not sh*tting you about this.

I started laughing when the Occupational Therapist described the kinds of activities that would help him -- she said it in all clinical terms, but then demonstrated the movements, and I was like ... Oh. I recognize those.

And immediately, Hambone and I felt like Hamslice needed a BIG dose of therapy, so we bought a house in the country (Sparks, to be exact) with a huge lawn to mow, and lots of painting and repairs to do. Oh yes, we'll fix that boy up in a jiffy. 

So, we leave the city behind us. We're projecting a move date in about 12 months, and are full committed to rushing the project to get in there sooner. Onto a healthier life for us all. Exurbia, here we come!

Hamslice - The results are in.

As many of you know, Hamslice had a rather disappointing K1 year in school. We took him home in April full time after his school determined he was Autistic.

Since then we have been going to multiple specialists, trying to get a handle on the truth. Hambone and I were pretty certain the Autism suspicion was not the actual issue but we were really confused at Hamslice's behavior and effect on adults.

The school referred us to one of the top autism specialists in Maryland, who tested him extensively and concluded that no, he is not autistic. We also had his IQ and cognitive function tested to see if there was indeed a screw loose somewhere.

 His tests came back like this: IQ score puts him in the 95th percentile for intelligence in general, with 'Very superior' ability in Verbal (99th percentile) and some gaps in processing speed and performance IQ. This means he has a little trouble getting his thoughts into writing and processing them into communication for the rest of us.

However, Hamslice was tested under the assumption that he had already had a kindergarten curriculum, and he had not. We suspect his scores would be a little higher had he been tested under the correct educational level. He was also diagnosed with a touch of ADHD combination type with impulsive behaviors.

 So... good news right? It's definitely better news than we were expecting. The Autism spectrum disorders did sound a little like our guy so we had been concerned.

 However, we still have a little guy who has a hard time behaving himself. He is smart enough to know how to get out of tasks through throwing tantrums, and he is stubborn enough to stick with it to the bitter end. For example, I have been teaching him to play the piano, which addresses a lot of his coding and processing gaps. When he has to learn a new song (decode notes, encode into fingerings, get reward through sound) he simply refuses to do it. And the longer I make him sit, the more he amps up his resistance with creative tantrums. So far we have one chair through the wall, one wall decorated with finger scrapes, and one ivory torn off the piano. The harder the task, the worse the tantrum.

 If he goes somewhere that includes an activity he doesn't find stimulating, he does the damnedest things. One time he drooled on a kid, the next time he walked over and felt the boobs of the instructor, once he just started saying "beep" so loud we got kicked out.

What do we do with this genius.

 We are absolutely at a loss about where to send him to school. We wound up opting for the local public school because at least then it won't be a hassle to pick him up every day. And it will probably be EVERY DAY.

Some friends of ours said we need to get in touch with the special ed teacher to build an enhanced curriculum for him. And I have to smile a bit because ... really? We will try it, but if he starts beeping and drooling in the regular class, he'll never make it to the enhanced curriculum part.

We have been doing some reading of our own, and the best book so far is "Children: The Challenge" by Rudolf Dreikurs. This at least trained Hambone and me how to manage the tantrums and to encourage Hamslice in a way that focuses on what he does well so he doesn't worry so much about performing in his gaps. It has been really helpful.

 But probably the biggest turnaround for us since leaving school is what happened when we started making Hambone TRY things. He would have a tantrum, but we stuck with it and made him try things. Finish things. And for him to learn about the pride of accomplishment and the joy of achieving what he thought was not possible has helped him understand that maybe tantrums aren't the answer.

So... one day at a time. At least today it isn't Autism. Maybe tomorrow we will make it through a full day of cooperation and happiness.

Testing into CAMO White Belt

It has been a very big week for Hamslice. This weekend he learned to ride a big boy bike, and last night he earned his first belt in Kung Fu! We are so proud of our little guy. He's learning to face challenges and use courage. We are rooting for you little guy!

Biking!

We had an exciting weekend -- Grandma and Grandpa came to town, cousin D moved in, and Hamslice learned to ride a bike!

We are so proud of Hamslice-- look at this video!

Hamslice Homebody

So we wound up pulling Hamslice out of school in the beginning of April. There were too many things that didn't add up regarding his in-school behavior, and it seemed like time for Mom and Dad to take a turn with him to see what's what.

We have been having a marvelous time getting to know each other better, and learning how to be good partners to each other. I've read eight parenting books, which has been helpful, and Hamslice has been in an atmosphere where he knows he is surrounded by people who love him, which has also been helpful.

Our grand adventure started in the mountains of West Virginia on a camping trip with friends. It was chilly but had a lot of fun.

 

At home, we've started Hamslice on some routines to help him work independently and learn how to have fun with others. He is now taking piano lessons with me (which completes my transformation INTO MY MOTHER) and he has learned all the rules of Chess. Chess is now his favorite pass time, and he has been consistently beating me even when I don't help him. 

He is also reading and writing for at least an hour a day, which he is becoming very proud of after a bit of initial resistance. His alphabet looks good, and he just finished a letter to Auntie Bet.

We're very proud of him, and hopeful that his next school year will go a little better.

Homebound Hamslice

We pulled Hamslice out of school. The day after my last post (that would be April 19, 2013) we had a meeting with the teachers, Principal and school therapist again. The "action plan" that the school developed for Hamslice was to hire a baby sitter to sit with him all day long.

Hambone and I said "Hell to the No" and pulled him out immediately. This means he hasn't been in school since April 12.

Since then Hamslice has blossomed into a new kid. His play style is now nurturing and friendly, he has been learning how to stick with projects and do tasks that he initially thinks are too difficult, and for the first time in a long time he's proud of himself. He is learning to play the piano, and he is playing chess like a master.

He is also talking for the first time about what happened at the school. He told me yesterday how the teachers would lock him in the cubby room (which is a fancy word for closet) for long stretches of time without giving him an opportunity to earn his release by calming down or by performing a proper behavior. They also put him in there without explaining to him how long he would be in there, so he was terrified. Isolated. Singled out.

He said that other kids in the class would throw tantrums like he did, but nobody else was put in the closet. I am horrified. mortified. terrified about putting him back in any school.

How could the teachers generate such an adult dislike for our son?  Man... he's 5 years old.

Hambone's Birthday

Monday was Hambone's birthday. We went out for dinner at Little Havana, like we do every Monday with the Ps. We're sad that the Ps are leaving for Malaysia in July, but we are enjoying them for now.

When they heard it was Hambone's birthday, they ordered cake and took some celebration pics for us. =)

Hamslice Sleepover

Last weekend Hamslice had one of his best friends come over for a sleep over. This was the first sleepover event for both of them, and it was a blast.

They started out mellow with some iPad time, showing each other their favorite games and coaching each other on technique. 

After dinner Mom thought it would be fun to roast marshmallows over the fire pit in the back yard, but of course I didn't have any in the house. The boys settled in with a move (Monster House) with Dad while I scoured all of Federal Hill for a bag of properly sized marshmallows. There were none in the entire area, but I did find some peeps that were left over from Easter in the CVS. It turns out they are delicious when roasted over a fire. =)

 In the morning, these two best buds went for a scooter ride down by the harbor. They were both full of stunts and energy, and Elwood the dog was ready to keep up with the action!

 And then they settled in for a little more iPad time while we his friend's grandparents were en route to pick him up. What a terrific weekend, and what a great experience for Hamslice and his friend.

Hamslice Math Marathon and the DV Estate

Last weekend Hambone, Hamslice and I piled into the truck and headed for Michigan to help Dad close out his estate. We had a huge garage sale that included selling 4 boats and most of Dad's stuff that was left over from raising the kids, working on the house in Saugatuck and being married to my Mom.

The fringe benefit of the sale was that uncle C and I could comb through and nab little tidbits of our "old" family to keep for posterity. My favorite DV collectibles are the family photos. There were probably no greater nerds on earth than we were, and the pictures are in and of themselves, hilarious.

Mom made these outfits by hand. BY HAND! Think of the hours of meticulous work she put in on our behalves.

Hamslice did not find the weekend as hilarious and interesting as I did, however, so he spent the majority of the trip counting to one hundred (frontward and backward) and then counting by twos. He happily sing a song over and over in the back seat that went "one plus one is two, two plus two is four, four plus four is eight, eight plus eight is sixteen, sixteen plus sixteen is thirty two, thirty two plus thirty two is sixty four, sixty four plus sixty four is one hundred twenty eight, one hundred twenty eight plus one hundred twenty eight is two hundred fifty six, two hundred fifty six plus two hundred fifty six is five hundred twelve, five hundred twelve plus five hundred twelve is one thousand twenty four...."  Hambone had to help with most of the numbers after 32, but we got there.

Suddenly I the memory scheme of computers and bit speed of modems started making sense to me as I listened to the song. LOL

Hambone has no comment on the trip. Except to say that he gets to plan the next one.