Here we are after my glowing post about my mature boys just a few days ago...
Just got a note from the principal -- Hamslice told everyone in his reading group that they were s_____ readers, and then he curled up on the floor in the back of the room and wouldn't interact with anyone for about an hour.
So, hold off there with the maturation awards. There's still work to do. LOL
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
Mid School-Year Check in
So the ongoing saga of my kids in school has been a source of much amusement with my friends and family. This year Hamslice is in 5th grade, with Little Ham in 4th grade.
The year started out a little rough, with Little Ham finding it hilarious to swear like a sailor and discuss the concept of 'sexiness' in 4th grader lingo, including the phrases "sexy penis" and "sexy butt," punctuated with slaps to the heinies of both girls and boys. The school administration [ahem] frowns on such behavior.
Hamslice, meanwhile, entered the semester like an asteroid entering the atmosphere. Much as he does each year.
As of mid-year we are actually doing OK. Little Ham has figured out that he has the smarts to do all of the work required of him at school, so now he's a little cocky. He has these big diorama projects this year, and he waits until the *very last possible minute* and cranks them out in 5 minutes and gets "A"s. This has Hambone and I gobsmacked, after years of listening to Hamslice's languid arguments about the theory of school and the appropriateness of the projects and the existential need for dioramas. We had forgotten that the projects can simply "get done" without all the drama.
Hamslice is in all advanced classes but pulling solid Bs - Ds because he fails to see the point of the details in his projects. Or the projects themselves, also what is the point of school. And life. He is testing out at mid high-school levels in all subjects, so we are not super concerned with his grades. It's probably just time for middle school for that one. Or maybe a year in a commune.
The boys are into 'full time brother' mode with just glimmers of transition still. For instance, Little Ham and Hamslice still fight about who gets to go into whose bedroom and when, but Little Ham is sometimes inclined to push too far and then when Hamslice gets mad, Little Ham breaks into gibberish speech and overly defiant behavior.
Little Ham is working hard right now on controlling his silliness. One of his defense mechanisms is to move into a near-manic state where he is just giggles and sillies and not at all able to function. It's a form of helplessness, combined with aggravating behaviors. Pretty neat. So obviously that is our focus right now.
Hamslice has matured an incredible amount this year. It's like a packet of neurons plugged in somewhere in his brain and he is now able to see outside of himself and understand other peoples' feelings and how his actions fit into these feelings. Typical Hamslice, he has lagged behind in this area for years, and then once he gets started figuring it out, he takes off like a rocket.
Our strange little family is a full-fledged unit, and functioning as one. So far so good, but already I see signs that the end of school year update will have some zingers.
The year started out a little rough, with Little Ham finding it hilarious to swear like a sailor and discuss the concept of 'sexiness' in 4th grader lingo, including the phrases "sexy penis" and "sexy butt," punctuated with slaps to the heinies of both girls and boys. The school administration [ahem] frowns on such behavior.
Hamslice, meanwhile, entered the semester like an asteroid entering the atmosphere. Much as he does each year.
As of mid-year we are actually doing OK. Little Ham has figured out that he has the smarts to do all of the work required of him at school, so now he's a little cocky. He has these big diorama projects this year, and he waits until the *very last possible minute* and cranks them out in 5 minutes and gets "A"s. This has Hambone and I gobsmacked, after years of listening to Hamslice's languid arguments about the theory of school and the appropriateness of the projects and the existential need for dioramas. We had forgotten that the projects can simply "get done" without all the drama.
Hamslice is in all advanced classes but pulling solid Bs - Ds because he fails to see the point of the details in his projects. Or the projects themselves, also what is the point of school. And life. He is testing out at mid high-school levels in all subjects, so we are not super concerned with his grades. It's probably just time for middle school for that one. Or maybe a year in a commune.
The boys are into 'full time brother' mode with just glimmers of transition still. For instance, Little Ham and Hamslice still fight about who gets to go into whose bedroom and when, but Little Ham is sometimes inclined to push too far and then when Hamslice gets mad, Little Ham breaks into gibberish speech and overly defiant behavior.
Little Ham is working hard right now on controlling his silliness. One of his defense mechanisms is to move into a near-manic state where he is just giggles and sillies and not at all able to function. It's a form of helplessness, combined with aggravating behaviors. Pretty neat. So obviously that is our focus right now.
Hamslice has matured an incredible amount this year. It's like a packet of neurons plugged in somewhere in his brain and he is now able to see outside of himself and understand other peoples' feelings and how his actions fit into these feelings. Typical Hamslice, he has lagged behind in this area for years, and then once he gets started figuring it out, he takes off like a rocket.
Our strange little family is a full-fledged unit, and functioning as one. So far so good, but already I see signs that the end of school year update will have some zingers.
Friday, January 26, 2018
The Magic of Laughter
I am not sure if this happens in every family, but my family tends to devolve into greedy and ungrateful little monsters over the Holiday season. It has something to do with the anticipation of gifts and the disappointment with the reality of gifts. As we all know, NO GIFT WILL EVER LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATION OF A CHILD.
Our best move is to open gifts and then immediately leave for a vacation. All the gifts sit in the house untouched while we're gone, and then when we return, they are suddenly fun to play with. I don't get it but it works.
Even with these great strategies, by about the middle of January we had ground to a halt -- there's no sun, it was freeeezing cold outside, everyone was grouchy and we were all mad at each other for every and no reason...
Then we had a bit of magic. Oddly enough it came in the form of tickling. Both boys decided that they liked to be tickled, and we started having these half-hour long tickling matches, where we all poked each other in the bellies and brushed the soles of our feet and of course jammed tiny fingers into the armpits.
The sound of their laughter, real belly laughs, was like medicine for the family. They heard us laugh, they laughed with each other, and the sound healed us.We bonded over the laughter.
Since the laughing, we are doing so well. We are all friendlier with each other and there's less competition for attention from the boys, they each know they can come over for a welcome laughing match and we all grow together.
Note to self: Laughing. Remember that.
Our best move is to open gifts and then immediately leave for a vacation. All the gifts sit in the house untouched while we're gone, and then when we return, they are suddenly fun to play with. I don't get it but it works.
Even with these great strategies, by about the middle of January we had ground to a halt -- there's no sun, it was freeeezing cold outside, everyone was grouchy and we were all mad at each other for every and no reason...
Then we had a bit of magic. Oddly enough it came in the form of tickling. Both boys decided that they liked to be tickled, and we started having these half-hour long tickling matches, where we all poked each other in the bellies and brushed the soles of our feet and of course jammed tiny fingers into the armpits.
The sound of their laughter, real belly laughs, was like medicine for the family. They heard us laugh, they laughed with each other, and the sound healed us.We bonded over the laughter.
Since the laughing, we are doing so well. We are all friendlier with each other and there's less competition for attention from the boys, they each know they can come over for a welcome laughing match and we all grow together.
Note to self: Laughing. Remember that.
Monday, October 23, 2017
Visit from G&G
This weekend we had a nice visit with G&G. We were able to visit and catch up with each other, and Grandpa even rolled out his famous "Donald Duck Voice" for the boys. The next day they spent a great deal of time in the car trying to replicate the voice themselves.
Wednesday, October 04, 2017
Cub Souts Campout
Last weekend was the Cub Scout Campout for my little dudes. They LOOOOVED it so much -- they got their tent setting up merit badge and Little Ham showed the counselors that he could light a fire from the embers of the fire from the night before.
They are definitely "into" the outdoorsy stuff now, even though the temperature overnight plummeted to 42 degrees. They didn't sleep much, if at all, and we have been paying the price with poor behavior ever since, but they did have fun.
Here are pics of them next to the tent they set up together:
And of course, we needed to do some 'dabbing' in at least one of the photos.
They are definitely "into" the outdoorsy stuff now, even though the temperature overnight plummeted to 42 degrees. They didn't sleep much, if at all, and we have been paying the price with poor behavior ever since, but they did have fun.
Here are pics of them next to the tent they set up together:
Friday, September 22, 2017
Heart-to-Heart Talks
On Tuesday it was my night to put the boys to bed, and Little Ham and I had a spontaneous heart-to-heart talk about the family and chores and what working means, and why things can't just be fun and playing all the time. We have these every now and then and they are super special.
Meanwhile, Hamslice was in his bedroom across the hall getting jealouser and jealouser as the moments ticked by. So as I was leaving Little Ham's room, Hamslice called me into his room for his own heart-to-heart talk.
His talk was a little different. He told me about "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan and Ryland" (you can't make this up, people). From what I understand, one of the Ryans is a girl) who were going through everyone's lockers at recess and how Hamslice was getting nervous about that. I asked him if there was another kid in the group named "Brian" to round out the names and he laughed.
Once downstairs, I told Hambone about the RYANS plus RYLAND and we reminisced about Federal Hill prep where Hamslice's classmats were "Shawn, Shaundra, Tyshawn and Deshaun."
Oh hey, also we are two weeks into school and so far no phone calls home about either boy. THIS IS A WORLD RECORD, FOLKS!!!
Meanwhile, Hamslice was in his bedroom across the hall getting jealouser and jealouser as the moments ticked by. So as I was leaving Little Ham's room, Hamslice called me into his room for his own heart-to-heart talk.
His talk was a little different. He told me about "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan and Ryland" (you can't make this up, people). From what I understand, one of the Ryans is a girl) who were going through everyone's lockers at recess and how Hamslice was getting nervous about that. I asked him if there was another kid in the group named "Brian" to round out the names and he laughed.
Once downstairs, I told Hambone about the RYANS plus RYLAND and we reminisced about Federal Hill prep where Hamslice's classmats were "Shawn, Shaundra, Tyshawn and Deshaun."
Oh hey, also we are two weeks into school and so far no phone calls home about either boy. THIS IS A WORLD RECORD, FOLKS!!!
+1 for the Menagerie
About a week ago, Hambone noticed a bird in his warehouse. Not just any ordinary bird, but a genuine Cockatiel. So, being the Bird Whisperer, (see earlier posts about his ability to woo the geese at Dutch Wonderland) he lured the Cockatiel into a cardboard box, then into a dog crate, and then a bird cage in succession. After getting to know this bird a bit, I see what a feat this was.
So the bird is a beautiful addition to the household. But, since it was a pet that then escaped and had "God knows what" happen to it in the wild, and then had a day-long adventure with Hambone, I can see where it is legitimately a little weird.
And the weird runs deep, man. For instance, the bird loves to look at itself in a mirror, and the bigger the mirror the better. If you remove the mirror, the bird SCREAMS until the mirror is restored, and then when he sees himself in the mirror again, he makes a noise like "Hey buddy, I missed you. What's been happening since we last spoke?"
He is also pretty bad at flying. When he did try it one day in the house, he tried to land on the moldings above the doors. In order to make this tricky landing, he crashed his whole body into the wall and sort of stuck his feet down. And then because there are no mirrors up there, he just screamed the whole time until he got back into his cage.
The boys (all of them except for the dogs) LOVE the bird. We have named him "Bob" but Hamslice also calls him "silver wing" which is a favorite Pokemon character (or something). They love cleaning the cage and feeding him and just watching him. They can't play with this pet, though, because if they stick their fingers in the cage, the bird does a full-body peck. Even though that doesn't hurt very much, the visual is stunning.
The bird also really can't stand certain kinds of voices. I have my phone on speaker all day, and when certain people call (uncle Curt in particular) the bird starts chattering away. When I have conference calls, therefore, the bird cage has to move into the kitchen where, you guessed it, there are no mirrors. So during the conference call there is constant, faint screaming in the background. I wonder if they notice.
So... bird. +1 to the pet list.
So the bird is a beautiful addition to the household. But, since it was a pet that then escaped and had "God knows what" happen to it in the wild, and then had a day-long adventure with Hambone, I can see where it is legitimately a little weird.
And the weird runs deep, man. For instance, the bird loves to look at itself in a mirror, and the bigger the mirror the better. If you remove the mirror, the bird SCREAMS until the mirror is restored, and then when he sees himself in the mirror again, he makes a noise like "Hey buddy, I missed you. What's been happening since we last spoke?"
He is also pretty bad at flying. When he did try it one day in the house, he tried to land on the moldings above the doors. In order to make this tricky landing, he crashed his whole body into the wall and sort of stuck his feet down. And then because there are no mirrors up there, he just screamed the whole time until he got back into his cage.
The boys (all of them except for the dogs) LOVE the bird. We have named him "Bob" but Hamslice also calls him "silver wing" which is a favorite Pokemon character (or something). They love cleaning the cage and feeding him and just watching him. They can't play with this pet, though, because if they stick their fingers in the cage, the bird does a full-body peck. Even though that doesn't hurt very much, the visual is stunning.
The bird also really can't stand certain kinds of voices. I have my phone on speaker all day, and when certain people call (uncle Curt in particular) the bird starts chattering away. When I have conference calls, therefore, the bird cage has to move into the kitchen where, you guessed it, there are no mirrors. So during the conference call there is constant, faint screaming in the background. I wonder if they notice.
So... bird. +1 to the pet list.
Thursday, September 14, 2017
Family Camp
This summer we went to Medomak Family Camp for the second year in a row. This is a healing place for our family -- we go and relax and learn things like stone carving and rope making, and come back a stronger family for it. I am not sure why it works but it does.
This is us on our way up to Maine -- we stopped for lobster dinner at one of the many lobster places right on the water. I believe this was in Portland. I wore the bib, Hambone was too classy for that. Only one of us smelled like lobster juice for the rest of the night. Hint: It was me.
This is the beach at Medomak, where we spend every afternoon. Activities are in the morning, and then all the families at camp just chill at the beach all afternoon.
During one of the activities (SKEG) which is a hybrid soccer game, Little Ham accidentally bumped heads with one of the other kids. Oh so many hugs that night.
This is my "Catch of the Day" -- we went fishing on the pontoon boat and caught several fish about this size. It was fun, even if we didn't get enough to make a meal. We also saw a Bald Eagle swoop out of the sky and capture one of our little fishes that we caught. That fish flopped around on the surface of the water for *just* too long.
This is Hamslice and Little Ham playing on the moose sculpture at camp.
And this is us at the Life Sized Chocolate Moose display at the candy store in Portland ME.
On one of the mornings, Hambone and I took a cheese making class with Holly, the owner of the camp. We made Mozzarella, and while I was fully planning to catch the "cheese bug" from the class, I have decided to leave it to the professionals.
The above and below pics on the trail are of all of us walking from the main camp to the beach. It's a hike but well worth it. You'd only want to do it a couple times a day.
More pics of us at the beach at Medomak
This is the "sand castle-off" competition between my boys. The other kids in camp got all revved up about it too. Who made the biggest sand castle! WHO!?! And by What Criteria. *hint* the criteria changed often. Hamslice also won an award for "deepest hole" at camp. It was pretty deep!
Here we are milking the camp cow. All of the milk and dairy products for the camp are produced by these two cows. Talk about meeting your food. The boys learned a lot about where food comes from during our week.
This was Little Ham's "war paint" for the camp-wide scavenger hunt. We came in fourth, and were happy with that result. It gives us room to improve next year!!
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
On TARGET for Shenannigans
Target is my boys' ABSOLUTE favorite store. They beg and beg to go there, and when we arrive, they treat it like a wonderland of retail. And usually one of the two of them, if not both, starts to act up. There is a lot of running ahead of the cart, spinning in circles in the aisles.... lots of movement.
After all these trips to Target, the last time we went there, I OFFICIALLY TIRED of the goofing around. And I believe a little something in me broke. I said to the boys, "THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SHOP WITH YOU." And I threw my hands up in the air and started racing up and down the aisles, spinning in circles.
Yes there were a lot of stares, and a few knowing smiles from other parents.
The boys slowly started fading away from me into other aisles, so I started shouting, "HEY I AM [LITTLE HAM]'S MOM. AND HE'S RIGHT THERE (pointing at him) AND I LOOOOOOVE HIM!"
Never in their young lives have they been so mortified. Since then, they have been on their absolute best behavior in Target. All I need to say is, "ARE WE PLAYING THE CRAZY IN TARGET GAME AGAIN? I'M IN!!!"
I believe I have won. Just this once, score one for Mom.
After all these trips to Target, the last time we went there, I OFFICIALLY TIRED of the goofing around. And I believe a little something in me broke. I said to the boys, "THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO SHOP WITH YOU." And I threw my hands up in the air and started racing up and down the aisles, spinning in circles.
Yes there were a lot of stares, and a few knowing smiles from other parents.
The boys slowly started fading away from me into other aisles, so I started shouting, "HEY I AM [LITTLE HAM]'S MOM. AND HE'S RIGHT THERE (pointing at him) AND I LOOOOOOVE HIM!"
Never in their young lives have they been so mortified. Since then, they have been on their absolute best behavior in Target. All I need to say is, "ARE WE PLAYING THE CRAZY IN TARGET GAME AGAIN? I'M IN!!!"
I believe I have won. Just this once, score one for Mom.
Sunday, May 28, 2017
End of school year update
I made a contract with Hamslice, where if he was able to do good work and not have any notes home from his teachers for the rest of the year, he could move his bedtime to 8pm from 7:30. If he didn't keep the contract terms, he owed me $100 payable in sticks @$.03 per stick. (That's over 3000 sticks, for the math challenged who are reading this)
And like a miracle, he fulfilled his contract. Furthermore, he decided that he liked the way he was treated by the teachers and administration when he actually tried a little. It has been a turnaround that has lasted for 6 weeks now. I am so hopeful.
Meanwhile Little Ham has been making his way as a chorister, and is the creative department for the family. He just completed his King Tut costume for Living Museum day, and it was fabulous. Little Ham has been making huge strides integrating with the family. Yesterday, Hambone and I spent some time comparing this year to last year, and the growth has been really impressive. He is one of the family more often than he is trying to not be part of the family. We're at about 80/20 now, vs last year at 10/90.
The boys are also experimenting with driving go-carts and our golf cart. It's great vestibular stimulation and it provides a feeling of adulthood for the boys. They are so proud of their driving abilities, although Little Ham still corners a little fast in the golf cart, throwing himself out of the vehicle entirely. Hamslice is the self proclaimed expert of driving, and he is now a little critical of everyone's driving.
We also had the pleasure of nursing a baby bunny for a few days -- the boys saw a hawk drop the baby bunny out of its claws, so they took it home. The bunny was so young its eyes were not yet open. We fed it Kitten Milk Replacement and watched as its eyes opened and it became strong enough to hop. The boys liked learning that it takes three swallows for a bunny to drink one drop of milk, and they were sad but hopeful when it was time to say goodbye to it.
Friday, February 17, 2017
A Budding Rock Star
One of the very first things Little Ham told me about himself when he arrived here is this: "I am not going to college because I want to be a rock star when I am an adult."
And so I took that statement just as seriously as any parent would, primarily filing it away for later. But we've been watching Little Ham and have noticed that he knows how to (ahem) project his voice and really control tone.
Fast forward to January of this year, there was a poster for the Maryland State Boys Choir in the school lobby. I asked Little Ham if he wanted to participate, and received an emphatic "YES".
The audition was nerve wracking for him because he knows absolutely nothing about music, but they admired his lower voice (a full octave lower than the other kids, due to his.... ongoing vocal exercises at home...) and willingness to learn.
He had his first rehearsal on Saturday and said it was a "10 out of 10" positive experience. He even did his music theory homework yesterday without complaint.
He really does want to be a singer. It's amazing to watch.
And so I took that statement just as seriously as any parent would, primarily filing it away for later. But we've been watching Little Ham and have noticed that he knows how to (ahem) project his voice and really control tone.
Fast forward to January of this year, there was a poster for the Maryland State Boys Choir in the school lobby. I asked Little Ham if he wanted to participate, and received an emphatic "YES".
The audition was nerve wracking for him because he knows absolutely nothing about music, but they admired his lower voice (a full octave lower than the other kids, due to his.... ongoing vocal exercises at home...) and willingness to learn.
He had his first rehearsal on Saturday and said it was a "10 out of 10" positive experience. He even did his music theory homework yesterday without complaint.
He really does want to be a singer. It's amazing to watch.
Monday, January 23, 2017
A Little Potty Humor
My little men have been having trouble lately with remembering to flush the toilet after using it. It's more than just a little annoyance because there are some toilets that only they use, and if neither flushes... well you get the picture.
In the spirit of creative problem solving, Hambone suggested that each boy make a sign to hang on the wall behind these kid toilets to remind them to flush.
The boys set to work immediately. Through the walls we heard Hamslice start mocking Little Ham about how he spelled "flush."
We walked in to find these two signs, one of them creatively spelled "Foosh" (where the Os became the eyes of the character in the drawing). That one was Little Ham's, and he hastily scrawled an "L" into Foosh to correct the spelling.
I then looked at Hamslice's spelling masterpiece, which simply said, "Flosh."
In the spirit of creative problem solving, Hambone suggested that each boy make a sign to hang on the wall behind these kid toilets to remind them to flush.
The boys set to work immediately. Through the walls we heard Hamslice start mocking Little Ham about how he spelled "flush."
We walked in to find these two signs, one of them creatively spelled "Foosh" (where the Os became the eyes of the character in the drawing). That one was Little Ham's, and he hastily scrawled an "L" into Foosh to correct the spelling.
I then looked at Hamslice's spelling masterpiece, which simply said, "Flosh."
Thursday, December 29, 2016
So. Many. Questions
Since Little Ham has started to uncoil, he has been asking the pressing questions that nobody has been there to answer so far in his life. And there are a lot of things he wants to know. Thousands of questions, ranging in magnitude from word definitions to "why does pee smell like popcorn" to "Why does Ellen DeGeneres dress like a man?"
We have deeply enjoyed watching him learn and piece together his world into a more meaningful structure than the incongruous, fractured world of a lonely child. He is able to piece a few things together now on his own and his fear is less because life is starting to make sense.
We're rooting for him, and have lots of answers for his many questions.
Hang in there Little Ham!
We have deeply enjoyed watching him learn and piece together his world into a more meaningful structure than the incongruous, fractured world of a lonely child. He is able to piece a few things together now on his own and his fear is less because life is starting to make sense.
We're rooting for him, and have lots of answers for his many questions.
Hang in there Little Ham!
Friday, December 16, 2016
There Goes Santa Claus *snif*
I suspect this is the last year of believing in Santa for the boys. They were so excited at the beginning of the holiday season about Santa and being really good and all of that great Santa stuff, however it seems to be wearing off.
Probably some of it is my fault -- Little Ham put out a list for Santa of over $2000 worth of stuff, so "Santa" wrote back and said something along the lines of "I'll bring you joy but not all this crap."
And I see that Santa is real when the boys want something, but when "Santa can see you [doing that naughty thing]" then Santa doesn't exist.
The Elf on the Shelf is getting it square in the teeth. I heard the boys yesterday, discussing how they are pretty sure that Dad moves the Elf every morning before work. "It's either Dad or Mom moving it, for sure."
When people look at your 3 year olds and say, "They grow up so fast," I never really understood that because the little teeny kid phase seems to last forever when you're in it. Now that it's fading, it seems like it was only a heartbeat.
Where does it all go.
Probably some of it is my fault -- Little Ham put out a list for Santa of over $2000 worth of stuff, so "Santa" wrote back and said something along the lines of "I'll bring you joy but not all this crap."
And I see that Santa is real when the boys want something, but when "Santa can see you [doing that naughty thing]" then Santa doesn't exist.
The Elf on the Shelf is getting it square in the teeth. I heard the boys yesterday, discussing how they are pretty sure that Dad moves the Elf every morning before work. "It's either Dad or Mom moving it, for sure."
When people look at your 3 year olds and say, "They grow up so fast," I never really understood that because the little teeny kid phase seems to last forever when you're in it. Now that it's fading, it seems like it was only a heartbeat.
Where does it all go.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Turkey Trot - a story of success and other things.
Thanksgiving morning this year brought Mom to the kitchen and Dad (and the boys) plus Neighbor T to the Baltimore City Turkey Trot 5K run.
There was a great deal of complaining from all three guys, but they dutifully headed out so I could cook Thanksgiving dinner. The race went smoothly (ish) depending on which of our sons you ask, but none the worse for wear.
As my weary racers approached the car to go home, Hamslice tripped over a chunk of concrete and went careering into a ditch. A major cement burn to the face, a black eye and two black knees later, Hamslice arrived home, still sniffling and needing a lot of TLC.
In all of the excitement about Hamslice, nobody really paid attention to the race standings (really with our un-athletic family, who would?) but we should have.
Little Ham had the fastest time in the entire Male 9 and under category for the race. Amazing!! He ran his first 5K with a final time of 29:20
We sent a note to Little Ham's running coach to let her know. We are so proud of him. AND he is proud of himself, which is also really, really good.
There was a great deal of complaining from all three guys, but they dutifully headed out so I could cook Thanksgiving dinner. The race went smoothly (ish) depending on which of our sons you ask, but none the worse for wear.
As my weary racers approached the car to go home, Hamslice tripped over a chunk of concrete and went careering into a ditch. A major cement burn to the face, a black eye and two black knees later, Hamslice arrived home, still sniffling and needing a lot of TLC.
In all of the excitement about Hamslice, nobody really paid attention to the race standings (really with our un-athletic family, who would?) but we should have.
Little Ham had the fastest time in the entire Male 9 and under category for the race. Amazing!! He ran his first 5K with a final time of 29:20
We sent a note to Little Ham's running coach to let her know. We are so proud of him. AND he is proud of himself, which is also really, really good.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
A Roadside Chat
This week on Monday, Little Ham refused to get out of the car to go to school. Like... refused. We were in the drop-off zone and he wouldn't budge. It was a new one for me, so I dug deep for a way to handle it. I said this foolishness: "If you won't go to school, then there must be a big problem so we are going to sit here in the driveway and talk about your feelings all day 'till we get to the bottom of it."
And so we sat. We watched all the other parents drop off their kids and saw the buses zoom by until we were all alone. And we sat some more. 45 minutes ticked by.
Finally Little Ham started talking. And talking. and talking. He emptied his poor heart to me, and I felt for the first time that we were connecting as parent and child. He said he is feeling overwhelmed by the new school, and that he is worried every minute of the day that Hamslice is stealing his Pokemon cards, and and and...
So we devised a plan where we would get him a safe for his room with a combination that only he knows. I also promised to talk to the school administration RIGHT AWAY to make sure they are helping him. We also talked about locks for bedroom doors and other things we can do to solve some of these problems.
That very day Hambone went and bought safes for both kids. I marched right into the school as well and relayed this most urgent request.
The immediate action made an impression on Little Ham. And now he talks to me about lots of other things instead of just asking for hugs and kisses all the time. We are ... connecting.
And so we sat. We watched all the other parents drop off their kids and saw the buses zoom by until we were all alone. And we sat some more. 45 minutes ticked by.
Finally Little Ham started talking. And talking. and talking. He emptied his poor heart to me, and I felt for the first time that we were connecting as parent and child. He said he is feeling overwhelmed by the new school, and that he is worried every minute of the day that Hamslice is stealing his Pokemon cards, and and and...
So we devised a plan where we would get him a safe for his room with a combination that only he knows. I also promised to talk to the school administration RIGHT AWAY to make sure they are helping him. We also talked about locks for bedroom doors and other things we can do to solve some of these problems.
That very day Hambone went and bought safes for both kids. I marched right into the school as well and relayed this most urgent request.
The immediate action made an impression on Little Ham. And now he talks to me about lots of other things instead of just asking for hugs and kisses all the time. We are ... connecting.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Normal people advice
Hamslice asked a few weeks ago to see his old therapist -- said he had a things he wanted to talk with her about, so yesterday was his appointment. At the end, the therapist had us both sit together and talk about how things are going in our family.
Hamslice had ideas that he wanted to spend more time with Mom and less with Little Ham, and maybe some time with Dad too.
The therapist then started asking me "what hobbies and activities do you do together with your children" and for the life of me I couldn't think of a thing. The session then turned a little judgy and uncomfortable for me. Hamslice had several ideas of things we could do together, and I was thrilled to hear his thoughts.
Of course the first thing I did was come home and yell at Hambone "Why don't we do anything with our kids!" and his response was "like what." And of course that didn't help. It just meant that he wouldn't have been helpful in the session either.
I've been rolling this over and over in my head, and I think it's like last year when the school administration told me to "stop helicopter parenting" and I was so overjoyed that they felt that *I* was the problem (and not Hamslice). Maybe this little judgement session was a sign that our family is finally ready to start having hobbies and living like a normal group of people.
If you think about it, we have not been able to do *any* family activities as of yet due to the behavior issues we have had before us. Anywhere we went was met with fury and tantrums from one or both boys. And Hamslice's refusal to enjoy any activity prior to Little Ham's arrival, well that has been lifelong.
So, now, are we free to try things? Actual activities? fun?
Sounds too good to be true, but I'm game.
Hamslice had ideas that he wanted to spend more time with Mom and less with Little Ham, and maybe some time with Dad too.
The therapist then started asking me "what hobbies and activities do you do together with your children" and for the life of me I couldn't think of a thing. The session then turned a little judgy and uncomfortable for me. Hamslice had several ideas of things we could do together, and I was thrilled to hear his thoughts.
Of course the first thing I did was come home and yell at Hambone "Why don't we do anything with our kids!" and his response was "like what." And of course that didn't help. It just meant that he wouldn't have been helpful in the session either.
I've been rolling this over and over in my head, and I think it's like last year when the school administration told me to "stop helicopter parenting" and I was so overjoyed that they felt that *I* was the problem (and not Hamslice). Maybe this little judgement session was a sign that our family is finally ready to start having hobbies and living like a normal group of people.
If you think about it, we have not been able to do *any* family activities as of yet due to the behavior issues we have had before us. Anywhere we went was met with fury and tantrums from one or both boys. And Hamslice's refusal to enjoy any activity prior to Little Ham's arrival, well that has been lifelong.
So, now, are we free to try things? Actual activities? fun?
Sounds too good to be true, but I'm game.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
*not* an Olympian
This semester I have both kids enrolled in a program called "Kids with Goals," which provides fitness training and overall life lessons. They both LOVE the program, and I am thankful for the very capable gym teacher who brought this program to life.
At any rate, on Tuesdays they do exercise in the gym. On Thursdays, the students AND THEIR PARENTS run on the NCR trail near the school. We are required to run for 40 minutes, which I would like to point out is a pretty big stretch for ol' Mom.
Little Ham is probably the fastest 9 year old runner I have ever seen, so he goes off with the older kids and runs his heart out. Hamslice and I bring up the rear, because often Hamslice runs with one arm hanging limp, or with one of his feet turned completely sideways..."just because."
I was doing my incredibly slow near-jog, when Hamslice looked at me with a completely serious face and said, "Mom, did you ever win the Olympics?"
"No, honey, I did not win any of the Olympics"
"But you were in them, right?"
I loved his precious serious face and serious questions. I am going to really miss this age when it's over.
At any rate, on Tuesdays they do exercise in the gym. On Thursdays, the students AND THEIR PARENTS run on the NCR trail near the school. We are required to run for 40 minutes, which I would like to point out is a pretty big stretch for ol' Mom.
Little Ham is probably the fastest 9 year old runner I have ever seen, so he goes off with the older kids and runs his heart out. Hamslice and I bring up the rear, because often Hamslice runs with one arm hanging limp, or with one of his feet turned completely sideways..."just because."
I was doing my incredibly slow near-jog, when Hamslice looked at me with a completely serious face and said, "Mom, did you ever win the Olympics?"
"No, honey, I did not win any of the Olympics"
"But you were in them, right?"
I loved his precious serious face and serious questions. I am going to really miss this age when it's over.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Little Ham finds love
So Little Ham pulled me aside yesterday because he had something he really wanted to get off of his chest. He said, "There's this girl in class who I really like, and today she said she likes me too."
I smiled at being let into the inner circle.
He went on to say "It feels really weird."
It's a big step, Little Ham. Relax and go slow. Don't forget to breathe.
I smiled at being let into the inner circle.
He went on to say "It feels really weird."
It's a big step, Little Ham. Relax and go slow. Don't forget to breathe.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Moving through the hump.
Little Ham continues to struggle with the mind blowing concept that he is not leaving here. He is so ingrained in the routine of "6 months here, 6 months there, 6 months somewhere else" that he has packed his emotional bags two or three times in the last couple of weeks. He describes the feeling as being 'Way high up on the mountain where no one can reach me.' And from down here on the ground, it looks like he disappears into his head and there's nothing left behind for us. His eyes grow black and hollow. There is no meaningful conversation. Arms are crossed.
So, being the jackasses we are, we continue to talk to him while he's on the mountain. We ignore it entirely, and tell jokes to each other and sing songs and have a nice family right in front of him. This makes him storm off in a huff. 10 minutes later he returns, a little further down the mountain.
We go up and down the mountain about once a week, more so this week because he had a pretty bad head cold. I am not sure if this will be better or worse after the adoption is finalized. This can't be fun for him.
In other news, Hamslice is back to his old tricks of making enemies of all the teachers at school. He is back to refusing to write ANYTHING AT ALL. He will give all answers orally, but if he is given a pencil and a blank piece of paper, well you can expect a tantrum but not any writing.
So we had our 23,645,230th parent teacher conference last week with the big support group that includes therapists and a note taker.
The school had put him on a behavior mod program without telling me, and I was pretty mad. The behavior mod had 6 aspects of behavior to achieve (which is too many) and they measured twice each day. If he passed all six aspects to their satisfaction, he would earn a reward. It had been running for 2 weeks, which means 20 evaluations. I asked how many of the evaluations he passed and they said ONE. So 19 times out of 20 he was told he was not good, and he had to see all that negativity written out in check boxes on a piece of paper.
They didn't like it when I said it that way. And I got them to admit that really all we need from Hamslice this year is for him to start writing, which would be a behavior mod program with only ONE check mark in it.
*Sigh*
Come on Hamslice.
So, being the jackasses we are, we continue to talk to him while he's on the mountain. We ignore it entirely, and tell jokes to each other and sing songs and have a nice family right in front of him. This makes him storm off in a huff. 10 minutes later he returns, a little further down the mountain.
We go up and down the mountain about once a week, more so this week because he had a pretty bad head cold. I am not sure if this will be better or worse after the adoption is finalized. This can't be fun for him.
In other news, Hamslice is back to his old tricks of making enemies of all the teachers at school. He is back to refusing to write ANYTHING AT ALL. He will give all answers orally, but if he is given a pencil and a blank piece of paper, well you can expect a tantrum but not any writing.
So we had our 23,645,230th parent teacher conference last week with the big support group that includes therapists and a note taker.
The school had put him on a behavior mod program without telling me, and I was pretty mad. The behavior mod had 6 aspects of behavior to achieve (which is too many) and they measured twice each day. If he passed all six aspects to their satisfaction, he would earn a reward. It had been running for 2 weeks, which means 20 evaluations. I asked how many of the evaluations he passed and they said ONE. So 19 times out of 20 he was told he was not good, and he had to see all that negativity written out in check boxes on a piece of paper.
They didn't like it when I said it that way. And I got them to admit that really all we need from Hamslice this year is for him to start writing, which would be a behavior mod program with only ONE check mark in it.
*Sigh*
Come on Hamslice.
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