Hamslice at Artscape

This weekend was Artscape in Baltimore, and lots of people came out in the 96+ degree heat to celebrate the arts in the city. Hambone and I walked up there from our house with Hamslice in the stroller. Along the way, we ran across this rat board that of COURSE we had to play with



We did start to overheat after the long walk to the festival and the sight seeing at the thing itself, so we stopped by the fountain in front of MICA (Maryland institute for the creative arts) to splash around and cool off a little. It was a fun day

What's in a Name

So our son is so adorable with his sticky-up hair and bright smiles that many of the ladies taking care of him during the day have made nicknames for him. They range from variations on his given name (adding "Man" to the end) and so on.

His favorite caretaker calls him "boo butt" and takes great pride in the fact that he answers to that name.

Now that Hamslice is crawling, it's getting more important to get his attention. When we call his name now, he doesn't respond. It's like he doesn't recognize it. Sometimes we try the other variations, but the only one that consistently gets his attention is
"boo butt."

We're so proud.

Gratuitous Hamslice-age

I know I'm seeing many of you in a couple of days, but for those who aren't in the greater Michigan area, here are some pictures to help tide you over for a while.

This one here is documentation of the ongoing food circus at the house of Ham. See how Hamslice is reaching out to Maggie for a quick pet? Well, there's probably food all over his little hand as part of the bargain.



AND here's Hamslice looking pretty smug about the little deal he has going. See Maggie? She's also pretty pleased.



Here's Hamslice striking a pose with dinner all over his face, hair, bib, chair, and me.

Hamslice on the Move!

Last night Hamslice started crawling! Hambone and I are so excited... Or, we were until he crawled over to the tv and yanked on the wires. Looks like we're into quite an interesting new phase.

What we were super surprised by was how fast he went. Hmm

Food Fights & Father's Day

This weekend was Fathers' Day, and Hambone and I went out for dinner to celebrate on Saturday night. When I came downstairs from getting ready, I stumbled across this extreme napping event on the sofa. Hambone was pretty pleased with himself for getting Hamslice to sleep.

In other news, we've started having some hilarity around meal times. It turns out that Hamslice and Maggie the Dog have formed an alliance. Their deal goes like this: "Psst... Maggie... I think I'm full now, so I am going to throw all my food down to you. Just wait under my chair and you'll get your share."

Which has been interpreted by Maggie as "I will shuck and jive and do every trick in the book, including panting so loudly I sound like Darth Vader to see if you give me food any sooner, because I just can't wait until you're done."

The thing that irks me about this, is that I had Maggie a loooong time before I met Hambone or gave birth to Hamslice. During these years, I taught Maggie a whole cadre of tricks designed to get attention and delight whomever she's doing them for. So... she knows how to stand on her back legs and give "high five" and roll on her side & hide her eyes, as well as bark on command and several others.

Meal time is now a total circus, complete with at least TWO CLOWNS, and most of it is my own doing.

*sigh*

Hamslice in the Sun

The weather has been absolutely terrific lately, and Hamslice revels in his time outside. Here's a picture of him under our crepe myrtle bushes in the back yard, just drinkin' up the sun...

The Furminator!

To visit our home is to understand what it's like to live with a gigantic, shedding dog.

As most of you know, Maggie the dog is a wonderful, awesome big brown dog. We all love her to pieces, but as Hambone often says, "she's perfect except for the SHEDDING."

While I don't often shill products on the blog here, I would be remiss if I didn't let all my pet owning readers know about the FURMINATOR which is a new-ish de-shedding tool. I guess it pulls the dead undercoat out of the fur in general.

We got one last weekend and *seriously* we pulled two garbage bags worth of shedding off of the Mags, and since then we've only seen minimal shedding for the whole WEEK~!

I want to get everyone one of these. I still can't believe how well it worked, and believe me I have tried Everything else.

Get one!

Dancin' the Night Away

This is fun -- Hamslice has just discovered dancing to music, and it's cracking me and Hambone up.

Because Hanslice can't stand up on his own yet, he sort of bee-bops by bouncing up and down while seated. So far his favorite song is the canned music from his Cookie Jar toy -- we see him playing with the buttons on there and then dancing when the music starts. It's adorable.

Yesterday, we put him on his John Deere baby tractor. The tractor has a button where the sound of the engine starts when you push a button in the steering wheel. Get this: Hamslice started DANCING LIKE CRAZY TO THE THRUMMING OF THE ENGINE.

Hambone and I laughed so hard. I guess a John Deere engine is the sweetest music of all.

Wanting to be BIG

This morning, Hamslice decided that he was officially a big boy. To that end, he wouldn't eat any baby food or cereal -- he only wanted pieces of fruit, Cheerios and american cheese. AND he wanted to put the food in his own mouth, no help from Mom, thank you very much.

I was so surprised, but I have to say it was pretty nice to be able to clean up the kitchen while he fed himself. Hmmm... so it just gets easier from here? (I can hear you all laughing. I'm sure we still have a ways to go)

Hamslice also has decided that he doesn't like having his clothes changed on the changing table anymore. Oh the wailing when he sees me walking toward it.

On the plus side, he's started giving Mommy some kisses and hugs, which is such a nice bonus. Right now his kisses involve him opening his mouth as wide as he can and sucking on the apple of my cheek. Then he bites a little with his two little teeth and grabs big fistfuls of hair.

I'll take it. =)

A Bit of Shameless Promotion

At work, my group just finished work on this golf game that I thought I'd share with you all. It's terribly addicting, so beware...

Golf Game

Hambone as Big 50 Builder!

Yesterday Hambone and I went to Remodeler Magazine's BIG 50 awards, where they honor the top 50 builder/remodelers in the country. On the way to the event, Hambone mentioned that he was one of the award winners. He's subtle like that.

The awards dinner was at the Ritz Carlton, and I have to say it was all very "top notch." Hambone, of course, was unfazed.



Here is the display of his award -- he won for "Niche builder" because of his green philosophy and his historic Baltimore geographic targeting. Here's his Web site



After he received his award, he made a funny face out of his dessert.

Baltimore's Kinetic Sculptures race

Today was the Kinetic Sculptures race and per the norm, Hambone and I took some champagne, OJ and bagels up to Federal Hill park to watch the show. Hamslice came too, but he slept most of the time.

Highlights include (you can see these in the video) the blue Wombat, Fi Fi the poodle, the Pope Mobile and more. The idea is that the sculptures need to be human propelled, and the course takes them up a huge hill and across the Chesapeake Bay. We like to catch them at the top of Federal Hill when they're going slow during the climb.

It's terrific good fun each year. We never miss it.

Downward Facing Hamslice

Big news! Last night Hamslice rolled over in his crib for the first time. When I went to get him this morning, he was doing a near perfect "Upward facing dog" yoga pose. I'd been wondering when he would get around to rolling over, glad to see he's up to the challenge.=)

It seems these advancements come in spurts. He's also trying to figure out how to make different sounds. His newest one is the "inward groan" which sounds a little like this

Hamslice Strikes a Pose

As many of you know, Hamslice can certainly work the camera. Yesterday at breakfast, he was hamming it up big time, so I snapped some pictures. If you play the movie, you can see his super star modeling =)

After breakfast, when he was in his bouncy chair, Maggie came up and shared her rawhide treat with him. All Hambone and I knew was that we looked over at him and he had the rawhide hanging out of his mouth. Interestingly, Hamslice really REALLY didn't want to give us the rawhide. His little teeth were clamped on that thing so hard -- it took a few minutes to get it away from him.

In other news, The Ham Family will be traveling to Michigan for the 4th of July holiday. All of you out there that want to take us out for breakfast can write in and we'll save a time slot for yeh.

See you all soon!

Little Ebes version

Little Ebes made this version of the video -- it's adorable!

Thank you Auntie Bet!

My brother and his wife came to visit us last weekend, and they brought a sweater that Auntie Bet had knit for Hamslice.

It's the most adorable thing, knit from camouflage patterned yarn. It's the perfect thing for a little tough guy. For now it's a bit too big, so we are looking forward to him sporting it in the fall as he rides his John Deere plastic lawn tractor around the cement pad in the back yard.

Thanks Auntie Bet!

One more time with My version of Sound

A couple of Hamslice fans have offered to put music behind the air guitar video. I can't wait to see how these videos look =)

To stay with them all, I've taken a crack at this too. Here's Hamslice playing Air Guitar to Guns N Roses.

Hamslice as Air Guitar Champion

Last weekend we all went out for lunch in a rather rowdy restaurant. Lots of '80s heavy guitar music there...

Hambone pointed at Hamslice and mentioned that it looked like he was playing air guitar along with the music. I'll be doggoned but I believe he's right. Click the video -- someday I'll put music to it, but for now here's the visual anyway.

Air guitar enthusiasts, look out.

Yes! Michigan

Last weekend Hamslice got a whole new batch of clothes from Auntie Nina to fit his growing body. This new size (12-18 months) made me wonder what was hanging out in the closet for him in this size.

When I peeked, I was quite pleased to see that his University of Michigan outfit now fits like a glove.

How nice that I can now balance out the Iowa Hawkeyes paraphernalia that he's been sporting since birth.

Go Wolverines!

Hamslice for President

I do believe Hamslice has been inspired by the presidential race. Yesterday when I was snapping some pictures for Grandma T, he gave me this very "commander in chief" pose.

Hmmm. Maybe there are big things ahead of him =)

Becoming Friends

Miss Maggie Moo and Hamslice have regarded each other with great curiosity from afar to this point. Last weekend they started to interact a little more, where Maggie would give Hamslice a tiny lick on the cheek, and receive huge smiles and giggles.

On Sunday, Hamslice reached out to Maggie and grabbed one of her lips in each fist. She was so sweet... she just stood there waiting for him to let go. Since then, however, she's faster with the kisses and doesn't stand within grabbing range.

And so it goes.

Hamslice, Extra Large

When we went to the doctor the other day, the doctor took his height, weight, and head circumference. I watched closely as he charted them on the "Normal" graph. Hamslice has a perfectly normal sized head, and weight that's in the 75th percentile (which is still in the normal range, according to the arcs that indicate normal on his chart).

However, when we got to height, Hamslice wasn't even CLOSE to the normal range. He must be three or four inches taller than other babies his age. I mean, the dot on the chart was way out in space above the arc of "normal."

This makes a lot of sense to me, because when I look at Hamslice in the crib, I can't help but think, "Man. With a body like that you should be walking. What's up?"

See how he's almost outgrown his pack-N-play already? He is growing about an inch a month!

Just call me "Bob"

Lately both Hambone and I have abandoned our quests to get Hamslice's first word to be "boogers" and "boom," respectively. Hambone heard me coaching Hamslice to say "Mama," which prompted a counter-campaign for "Dada."

Yesterday morning, I went to get Hamslice for breakfast. He rolled over in the crib, gave me the most brilliant smile and called me "Bob."

Since then he has called out for "Bob" a couple of times.

I hope he knows how much his "Bob" loves him.

Getting to be an Old Pro

Yesterday I went to Wegman's to pick up some food for Hamslice. When I arrived in the baby food aisle, I noticed a fellow skulking off to the side. I walked right past him, grabbed the juice and Gerber's step 1 food, and went on my way.

In thinking about this, it seemed clear that the skulking fellow was a new dad. Boy didn't I look like the expert just breezing right through the baby products like I'd been doing it for years. That thought made me laugh right out loud, because not two weeks ago it was ME skulking around, waiting to see what everybody else bought so I could see what was the right stuff to get.

I wondered if he had the same desperate envy that I had. Early on in the "real food" process, I really had hoped that the selection would be a little more intuitive. I was jealous of anyone who looked like they knew what they were doing.

So now I guess I've figured a little bit out. But I'm not getting cocky about it. Not this early anyway.

Chillin' with Hamslice

Our little Hamslice caught a cold that morphed into a sinus/ear infection over the past few days. He was a sick little boy, and he only wanted to spend time with Hambone.

Here's Hambone showing me that "this fatherhood thing is a piece of cake."

Hamslice Ad Guru

One of my coworkers mentioned yesterday that Hamslice looks a bit like the Lee Jeans Icon "Buddy Lee". I looked this up today, and have to say the comment has a little merit. What do you guys think?

Cutest Baby EVER

There's nothing particularly new this week, except for a super adorable picture of Hamslice. We all went to the craft show this weekend, so he got to see lots of colored glass and crafts. Some of the vendors there said it would be good for his brain. I hope so.

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick...BOOM!

Yesterday I discovered that Hamslice is a big fan of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. We were listening to our IPod during breakfast, and the song "Boom, Shake Shake the Room" came on and Hamslice started laughing and laughing. Later, when he was fussy before bed I sang a little of it to him, and he perked right up with a huge grin.

Meanwhile, the ladies at day care are teaching him nice, practical things like how to drink from a bottle by himself. Seems to me that I am now the "bad" influence in his life. I think it's more fun to be on this side.

Strike a Pose

I was in the back seat with Hamslice this Saturday and snapped three pictures in a row -- what a range of expressions this guy has now. My Goodness

Surprising New Development

Hamslice is now in the phase (I am sure this is the first of many) where he seems to be actively trying to freak Hambone and me out. When we change his diaper, and are reaching for powder or a new diaper or what have you, he turns his arms completely backward so that his palms face toward the ceiling.

The first time he did it was with Hambone. And poor Hambone was so freaked out he didn't even tell me about it because he thought he had injured Hamslice.

When he did it to me, I thought for sure I had dislocated his shoulder and was racked with guilt. I told Hambone and he started laughing and told me about how he had seen the same thing.

I see we're in for quite a ride here. With such a sweet little face, it's surprising to know there's a stinker in there somewhere.

Fear Factor Cheese Night

For Christmas this year, Hambone bought me a subscription to the Cheese of the Month club, which was so sweet because I DO LOVE CHEESE.

The first shipment came to Hambone's office last week. He had it shipped there so he could surprise me with the actual cheeses. This round was all artisan soft cheeses, which tend to be a little...fragrant.

During that afternoon, one of Hambone's vendors came in, and said in a stage whisper, "I think something died in your office."

Later in the evening Hambone described the cheese aroma as "a dead rat wrapped in a dirty diaper." But, we were really curious to see what it would taste like, so we dared each other into taking a taste. We dubbed the event " Fear Factor Cheese Night. "

It was actually rather tasty, if you didn't smell it first. We ate most of it in a race between our tongues and our noses.

Ah, the things you do for love.

Gratuitous Hamslice Pic

Hamslice is getting bigger all the time. Recently he's grown into his 9 month clothes and shows no signs of slowing down.

He is also starting to figure more stuff out. For instance, he knows that if he whines long enough, *I* will pick him up. And he knows that Hambone probably won't. He has different jokes for the two of us as well. It's pretty amazing if you asked me.

Porking it up with Kiddo

This weekend my brother "Kiddo" came to town and went Wild Russian Boar hunting with Hambone.

They got a good one (Kiddo tried the Maim-then-kill technique) and on Sunday we processed it into a couple of ham steaks, lots of sausage, and four killer racks of ribs.

Here's a picture of Kiddo making sausage. We make all our guest chefs wear that apron. =)

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas

Hamslice's daycare facility had their Christmas party yesterday, so I dressed our little guy up for the occasion. He totally stole the show with his mini-Santa gear.

Hambone was mortified on behalf of Hamslice.

Here's to Wenda

Hamslice's grandma died peacefully one afternoon this month. It's difficult to know exactly how she would like to be remembered, except to say that we are all glad to have had the chance to see each other once more before the end.

And I know Grandma liked to have things posted about her on this blog, so here you go Wenda. You'll be digitally remembered for all time. We will all miss you.

Picture day at Day Care

Yesterday and Today were picture days at Day Care -- Hamslice slept through the hours the photographer was there yesterday, my hope is they caught him today in his cute little outfit.

Surely he's the cutest baby in the place.

"Getting" It

You know, I think I'm finally starting to "get" what motherhood means. And it's true that you can't understand it until you have kids of your own...

I used to gush over babies to the best of my ability before Hamslice, but there was a certain disgenuine nature to it because I was really just trying to get the words out before I got puked on.

Now that I have one of my own, I understand the gift that these tiny people are, and what a miracle they are in everything they do. It's overwhelming sometimes to think about how much this all means to me, and how much life will be different from now on.

Hawkeye in the Genes

Hamslice is now growing so fast he's into clothes sized for six month old babies, even though he's only 2.5 months old. I can't complain though, because the "big boy" outfits are way cuter than all the sleepers.

=)

Day Care Follies

Yesterday was Hamslice's first day of day care. He was sleeping peacefully when I dropped him off, and I thought for sure he'd be the cutest little boy in the place.

Around 11AM the day care called me and asked what they could do to get him to stop crying. Evidently, he started shouting soon after I left and hadn't stopped for three hours. The worker sounded a little stressed...

I went to pick him up at 3pm (a couple of hours early) and heard the worker muttering to a colleague "I just got him to sleep a minute ago and NOW she comes to pick him up. Sheesh"

Today I dropped him off and three hours later HAMBONE called me up and said the sugar factory next to the daycare had an explosion, and shouldn't we go get Hamslice in case there's an evacuation.

This whole day care thing is not as easy as I thought it would be.

I'll take the Poopie with a side of rotten fish, please

So our adorable little boy, whose little poopies used to smell like sunshine and clotted cream seems to have grown out of the sweet smelling stage.

I switched Hamslice over to formula a couple of weeks ago after I tried to attend meetings at work, only to discover that two hours into them it felt like my breasts were going to explode.

He started out with Enfamil formula, which definitely changed his aroma but it was still manageable. However, the last time we went to Target for more of it, they were completely sold out. Not a grain of formula in sight.

Because desperate times call for desperate measures, we bought the Target brand formula. Two days later, our adorable little pooper started pushing out the smell of a dirty old man who had been eating rotten fish. Gooooood grief.

Even our quiet, Mexican nanny mentioned something, and she never really speaks up about things that bother her.

Peee - Youuuu

K-9 Super Shabby

If you all have read my blog for the past few years, you would have heard me gush copiously about Maggie the dog, who was the single most important fixture in my world before I met Hambone.

Since the birth of Hamslice, I've noticed that she has become just the slightest bit shabby and unkempt. I think she has been stressed by all the changes, but also have to admit that I haven't been as speedy with her brushing and bathing as I once was. I find this troubling.

Yesterday, however, it all came into perspective when I saw another dog-owning family walk down the street. This family had twin babies and a dog, and let me just mention how super shabby this dog was. I suppose as the "dog parents" get busier being "people parents," the dogs sort of muddle along for a while until the parents figure it all out.

Patience, Mags. It will all come back together soon...

Capturing the Moment

On Sunday the three of us went to a birthday party for one of our friends' one-year-old. Now that we have our own kid, the normal tedium of these events transformed into the most adorable thing ever.

When we were in the car on the way home, Hambone and I noted that less than a year from now Hamslice will be walking and starting to talk. At that moment it hit both of us that these days of having a tiny baby are fleeting, and we should drink in every moment we have.

Upon arriving home, Hambone grabbed the camera and took nearly thirty pictures of Hamslice. The poor kid must have seen spots from the flash bulb for hours.

=)

Diapering 101

Hamslice has learned a new trick that I can't quite figure out. While he's sleeping, he manages to pee out the top of his diaper and soak all of his clothes, and the bed.

I thought I had figured it out when I started making sure that "the wee wee points down" when I put on new diapers, but that doesn't seem to fix the situation either.

Even better, Hamslice really dislikes being wet, so as soon as he performes this hydraulic feat he starts screaming as though the moon and the stars were falling from the sky. And he has figured out how to time this trick for 3:30 AM each day.

Awesome.

Growing like a Weed

Yesterday was Hamslice's one month checkup with the pediatrician. He has already grown nearly an inch and gained 2.5 pounds! Clearly he's headed toward being tall and strong like his daddy.

He is also able to lift his head up on his own now, which seems like quite a feat because his neck just doesn't seem big enough to lift those super chubby cheeks.

On another note, some of you have asked how Maggie the dog is doing with Hamslice. So far she seems to be adjusting well -- each time we come home, she sticks her nose right into the car seat to make sure he's with us. And occasionally she'll give him a sniff while he's sleeping.

When he first came home, though, there was some confusion about who this new person was. I think she thought Hamslice was a new dog, and she was rather upset when Hamslice was able to sit on the sofa with us. As soon as she saw him on the sofa, she jumped up on the sofa herself, thinking "if the new dog can get up there, then surely I can be there too." She was a bit miffed when she was ordered back onto the ground.

She also thinks this "new dog" is a little noisy for her tastes. Some times when he's fussy, Maggie will wake up from her nap just long enough to give him the stink eye. Poor Maggie.

Figuring it out

It turns out the reason I was getting a little frustrated with Hamslice was that I had the stomach flu. I was feeling puny and nauseated, but I figured it was because of the fatigue. However, the next night Hambone came down with it.

Trust me, this flu was less attractive on Hambone than it was on me.

Now that I'm feeling better, things are back on track. Hambone and I both are completely infatuated with the little guy. It's surprising how attached we've become.

Ahh, Reality

We've been seeing a little more of this lately than we were hoping for, but everyone says this is par for the course. I'm still trying to figure out how much exactly to feed this guy -- if I let him eat until he stops, then he throws up all over the place, and if I try to guess by myself, then he acts hungry all the time.

While I said all along that I didn't need child care books, I have started reading them copiously. They're a little helpful, but not as much as I had hoped. Maybe what I'm really hoping for is someone to sit next to me all day and tell me how to do this.

I think yesterday he had a sore tummy, because today he's much quieter and more cheerful...

Hamslice Super Star

In response to lots of requests for a picture of Hamslice with his eyes open, I am uploading this one -- his Super Star pose. His eyes are very dark blue/gray right now, but I suspect they will turn brown over the next few months like his Dad's.

Many thanks to the DV Gang for sending the cookies & balloons. Hambone and I had cookies for dinner last night. =)

Hambone meets Hamslice

This picture was taken at 7am on Hamslice's birthday. He was about three hours old at this point, and it's the first time Hambone picked him up and had a good look. (We had seen him in the OR, but because I kept throwing up it lacked a little romance)

This morning was a peaceful time, filled with narcotics for me and baby-daddy bonding for Hambone.

Ah the miracle of birth.

Meet Hamslice

Here's Hamslice -- he was born on Friday August 25 at 4:07 in the morning. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches long.

The delivery was not the piece of cake they make it out to be on TV, but now that it's over, who cares. Look at him! What a cutie



This little boy decided to flip breech on the Monday before the 25th, which meant we scheduled him to be flipped and induced on the 24th. The night before the inducement, he flipped again to the right position, so we just induced.

11 hours later, we were ready to start pushing, but it turned out he was facing the wrong way (back to front) so they pushed him back in and gave me a C-section at 4 am on Friday.

I was pretty tired after all of that, and it seems I am a little too sensitive to the epidural medicine. That stuff made me throw up during the later stages of labor and constantly during the C-section. I suppose that's why my tummy was stitched back together a little off center.

Now that it's over, I have a little boy wwho is more adorable than I had thought he would be, and the bonding is going well. I'm a proud momma.

Directionally Challenged

On Sunday night I started to really feel foul. I know the last month of pregnancy isn't supposed to be a high energy time, but this was really something exhausting and uncomfortable.

Thinking I was in labor, I went to the doctor on Monday after tracking irregular contractions about 7-10 minutes apart. She said that our little Ham Slice wasn't even close to coming out, and that the reason I felt so yucky was that he had turned almost completely breech.

We went for a quickie ultrasound, and sure enough, he was laying across my belly like a Miss AMERICA sash with his buns lodged off center in my pelvis and his head in my right lung.

So now we're scheduled to try to have him turned (Versioned is the medical term) on Friday morning, with an immediate induction after that to get him out. If that doens't work, it's C Section time.

I told Hambone that Ham Slice was acting "Just like a Man" and isn't asking for directions to find the right way out. Hambone says he thinks the baby has inherited his Mother's sense of direction.

Either way, Friday is the day. We're all looking forward to that. In the mean time, I am staying at home under doctor's directions to "keep your butt above your head as much as possible." We'll see how that work out for me.

Nesting Transference

I've been reading in my baby books that around now I should be hit by this "big burst of energy, and the need to clean my house." This is otherwise known as 'nesting.'

I have not, however, experienced this in the least. But what's funny is that I think Hambone is experiencing it by transference.

Last weekend I found him on his hands and knees in the kitchen with a scrub brush and a bucket of soapy water, muttering "Filthy. This is just filthy." He was referring to our tile floor that neither of us have paid much attention to in the three years we've lived there. He wanted to run to the store to get a scum buster because he felt that the grout was simply not getting clean enough with the scrub brush. I was sure he had lost his ever-lovin' mind.

If he was that affected, I can only imagine what will happen when (if) it hits me. Oy.

The Final Countdown...

Today I realized that it is only five weeks and five days until my due date. Hot holy damn, am I ready.

Five weeks and five days from now I'll be able to lie down without getting heartburn, and I'll be able to roll over without a six pound lump rotating in the opposite direction in my gut, kicking my bladder in protest.

Plus, of course, I get to meet this kid who has been on my mind so much these last several months. That will be interesting too...

But I have to say that really, it's a tie between meeting him and not having heartburn anymore.

Where are my Rolaids?

Stretch marks, AWESOME

In one of my more fabulous moments, I was watching TV with Hambone last night with my shirt riding up over my belly.

Hambone commented that it looked like I had a stretch mark or three on my belly. Horrified, I denied it and claimed it was simply a red mark from the elastic on my shorts.

Before I went to bed, I checked for myself, and sure enough, three of these offensive little buggers had taken up residence on the dark side of my belly (the part I can't see unless I use a mirror)

This morning I looked at my belly in the mirror, and LO and BEHOLD, during the night the underside of my belly became a fairly accurate representation of a map of the Mississippi River Delta. Seriously, there are more than thirty stretch marks down there.

And here I thought I'd make it with my belly skin in tact. Heh. Think again...

I Miss My Feet

My ultra-huge belly has started posing practical problems, such as making me unable to reach my feet. Currently I have a bushy ring of leg hair around each ankle, where I can't get low enough with the razor.

Some people (I hear) get pedicures from their husbands at this point in their pregnancy, but Hambone has moved more into supporting me by doing laundry and dishes, leaving me and my feet to contend with each other.

Last week I tried to clip my big toe nails, and I successfully trimmed the left one. When I got to the right side, the baby shifted while I was in the middle of a clip, and I wound up cutting off half of my toenail.

*sigh*

Six weeks to go.

Hambone takes a Stroll

Wednesday my parents sent us a stroller / car seat set from our registry, which is very much appreciated. We opened the box to assemble everything when we got home from work, because we were pretty interested in seeing how it all fit together.

After the stroller was assembled, we snapped the car seat on top (it's one of those double seat contraptions) and Hambone took it for a tour around the kitchen.

The expression on his face was priceless -- my guess is this was probably the first time he's ever had his hands on the business end of a stroller, and he was so nervous and proud all at the same time as he strutted around behind it. He was also testing it to see how it handled around corners. Very important man-business. =)

His comment was, "They should make these with inflated tires and shocks," which I think means it passed his inspection.

Dinner with the Belly

My brother came to town for a business meeting and we wound up grabbing a bite of dinner together. Hambone brought the camera along to snap a quick pic of all 4 of us, unfortunately he couldn't find someone to hold the camera, so he didn't get in the picture.

What you see here is me, my brother, and Ham Slice in a little group.

If you splice Hambone into the picture instead, it looks something like this

Worst Baby Diagram EVER

As many moms-to-be tend to do, I've spent the last seven months copiously researching fetal development and looking for representative photos of Ham Slice at each milestone.

Most of the pics on the Web are lovingly captured 4-d ultrasound images, or carefully drawn illustrations of how beautiful the child development process is.

Today I found this image that I had to share, becuase it's... well... so different than these others. Look how the baby looks more like a Thanksgiving turkey with a human head on it than anything else. AND this is the first drawing I've seen that shows a live turd in the Mom's body.

I find this picture refreshing in a way. As some of my earlier ramblings have suggested, this is not all glamour here. And now that I've seen this illustration, I'll figure it's normal if Ham Slice comes out looking like a turkey.

What a relief.

Pregnancy Aerodynamics

OK, Ok I know I have been harping on this whole "my body is changing" thing ad nauseum. However, I'll bet you never thought about how having a giant belly would change your aerodynamics, now did you.

Case in point: yesterday I had a meeting downtown, so I was wearing one of my "fancy" maternity dresses--the kind that ties above the belly and tries its best to hide the whale carcass below.

It was blustery outside in a pre-thunderstorm kind of way, so I was very careful to keep my hair from blowing around too much. This is normal.

What's not normal is this: Because my belly makes my skirt hem lie so far away from my legs, it's easy for the wind to really get up under there and make everything blow. In one particularly windy spot, my whole dress blew up around my face all the way up to the bottom of my bra. That must have been quite a sight for my fellow Baltimoreans -- me at 7 months pregnant showing my WHOLE BUSINESS to passers by.

Nice. Simply delightful, really.

Pregnancy Symptom #68, Melmacian Hiccups

For some unexplained reason, the last few months of my pregnancy have been plagued by the sporadic Melmacian Hiccup. Hambone has wondered what in the world is causing them, because they aren't like regular hiccups.

These ones brew like a volcano, then erupt as ONE SINGLE GIANT HICCUP, and then nothing.

Here's a sound clip from the TV Show ALF that describes Melmacian Hiccups in better detail and gives a sample http://www.tvshows.de/alf/sounds/alfhickh.wav. If anyone remembers the show ALF, you will also remember that ALF was a space alien.

There must be some connection. . .

Just Call Me "Grace"

Now that my tummy has extended farther forward than anything else on my body would ever dare to go, I've found my balance a little less reliable than it used to be. This is yet another fascinating wrinkle in my pregnancy's quest to remove all personal dignity.

With the big belly, I can't see my feet unless I lean over a little bit. This means any uneven parts of the sidewalk are now free to attract the toes of my shoes, causing me to pitch wildly forward. I've found this to be a terrific attention-grabber -- nobody likes to see a pregnant woman flailing toward the ground unassisted.

On the up side, it is nice to see people in a more helpful frame of mind. Before I was pregnant, I'd wipe out on the sidewalk all the time and people didn't even pause to consider helping. This new behavior makes me optimistic.

3 1/2 months to go...

The Chesapeake Slacker

Ever since I started "slowing things down" to provide a more healthy atmosphere for my growing Ham Slice, I have uncovered what seems like DECADES of fatigue waiting for me.

Now that I'm not running here or there with the phone constantly ringing, I feel like I could sleep all day. Not just normal sleep either - I'm talking the kind of sleep where you wake up in a puddle of your own drool with a backache because you haven't moved for hours. As soon as I wake up in the morning (usually at Hambone's urging) I feel like I could crawl back under the covers and start over.

Last night, for instance, I had a terrible headache during the night. The reason I know that is because the people in my dreams were complaining about how badly their heads hurt, and when I woke up I had a headache.

Did I wake up to take care of it? No. That's how I roll these days.

Hel-LOOO My Face is Up HERE

So today I didn't have any out-of-the office meetings, so I thought I'd wear a very comfortable-looking maternity dress that I bought very early (read: pre-belly) in the pregnancy. I have put off wearing this dress because it has huge green polka dots all over it, which really isn't my style. I bought it because I thought it might be fun for a cotillion or some summer gala. (This is how my brain works with all the hormones running through it. When would I ever be caught dead at a cotillion in real life?)

What surprised me is that this was one of those dresses made for the ladies who are Super Interested in showing off their bellies. In my travels I've found you can either wear belly disguising gear, or belly emphasizing gear. This dress turned out to be the latter.

On catching my reflection in the mirror, I concluded that I looked like a polka-dot hippopotamus, even though I'm not that pregnant yet.

The dress is ridiculously comfortable, though, so I went out for lunch in high spirits because I felt good. However, the looks I got from people were unexpected.

The men I passed in the market were constantly checking out my belly. I'm used to their eyes flicking around from my face to my chest, but the staring at my belly was really obvious and unusual. I wanted to stop some of the more obvious oglers and say, "Hey BUDDY, my Face is UP HERE"

Maybe I should just put the dress away.

Hambone Takes the Wheel

Now that we know the baby is a boy, Hambone has been more excited than I've ever seen him. I mean, it's always hard to tell with him because he plays his cards pretty close to his chest, but there are some telltale signs that he can't wait...

• He's taken the lead on decorating ideas for the nursery. It's Bob the Builder, or John Deere or nothing!
• When we found out the baby is only in the 30th% for body weight, he bought me an enormous bag of chocolate from Sam's club and so far he hasn't had ANY for himself
• He had a lot of input about which civic groups to quit so I can spend more time relaxing and growing a healthy little boy
• He calls me as he's driving home from work to see if I have any food cravings that he should stop by the store to fulfill
• When the crib we ordered came in, he wanted us to leave work early to pick it up

I just love seeing our little family coming together with a mommy and a daddy and (of course) a gentle, giant doggy. It's exciting for all of us. =)

Nesting, anyone?

This weekend I crossed the 20-week mark and had my first taste of "Nesting" instinct kick in. Saturday I spent the whole day cleaning the house, washing the dog, brushing the dog, vacuuming the dog hair out of the back yard, mopping the kitchen, and then re-brushing the dog.

I felt like a character actress -- "I will be playing the role of a woman who is obsessed with cleanliness." Hambone wasn't sure what to make of it all, because we also have a maid.

Sunday I dragged him to Target because I wanted to buy everything for the baby on that exact day. "Registries be damned!" I told him. I wanted the stuff NOW.

He was very patient with me and explained that maybe we should just R-E-G-I-S-T-E-R for things at Target and then wait until my due date is closer before doling out cash on that stuff. So as a compromise, we didthat but it wasn't enough for me. I dragged him through the housewares aisle so we could buy a rolling pin, cookbook holder, trivet, martini shaker, pepper grinder, a new dog brush, squirrel toy and dog shampoo, batteries, drapes, lightbulbs and other random household objects.

Poor Hambone. Clearly his wife has gone mad.

It's a Boy!

Hambone and I went in for our ultrasound this morning. Because I'm a tech weenie, I made the appointment way up in White Marsh so I could get a 3-d image of this thing we have created. No "regular" ultrasounds for me, no way.

When the baby first appeared on the screen, Hambone and I both gasped, because even with all the pregnancy fanfare so far, we were both wondering if I was just getting fat. It was amazing to see this little body appear on the TV -- no more denying it, we're definitely having a baby.

It turns out that we're having a little boy. The Ultrasound tech went over his little hoo-hah again and again, referring to it as "the Turtle." I didn't see the turtle very clearly, but she seemed quite sure. "See the turtle head? SEE?"

What also caught me by surprise is my instant transformation into one of those ladies who has to show everyone the ultrasound pictures. Even complete strangers now need to see pictures of our little Ham Slice. Even Hambone has a couple of pictures on his desk of the little guy.

Who knew.

Avast Fashion

I finally broke down this weekend and went maternity clothes shopping "for real" this weekend. I dragged poor Hambone along -- he was really a good sport considering where we were going.

It turns out that the maternity stores play this funny game with you: if you were a size medium before this all happened, your corresponding maternity size is EXTRA LARGE. Yeah, they like to kick you when you're down. I've gained a total of five pounds, but am now relegated to the XL rack, go figure.

This morning I had a big meeting for work, so I put on a pre-maternity skirt (another flash of denial) and found it was still surprisingly comfortable.

A little later in the day I looked at the skirt with puzzlement, because the seams didn't line up the way they should. Turns out I put the thing on sideways and that's why it still fit.

Isn't that just the way...

Going on 18 weeks, Oh Sweet Vanity

I'll be 18 weeks pregnant on Sunday, and now that my hormones are settling into their regular (elevated) level, now I have other things on my mind.

Originally I was very interested in having the preggo belly and showing it off. But, when I started looking just gassy and fat, I changed my mind. Here's how it shook out:

At 8 weeks I bought a whole load of maternity clothes.
At 13 weeks I went to work in a maternity shirt and pants, ready to resign myself to the larger version of me.
At 15 weeks I went back to all of my own clothes, and dove deep into denial that I would actually get a pregnant belly.

This week (17) I actually started to have a belly, and while I still squeezed into my regular pants and shirt, I would find myself very, very crabby and uncomfortable by the end of the day.

Today I wore my maternity clothes again, and while they lack the fashion sense of my regular gear, I am blessedly comfortable.

Ahhh Cotton and elastic. Where have you been all my life?

Pregnancy Brain

I know I touched on this a little in my last post, but it deserves another look. Before getting pregnant I had never heard of this before, so you can imagine my surprise when I got a HUGE dose of it.

Evidently, the hormones just take over, and the intellectual side of you is left far, far behind. Here are some things I did because of PB:

- Instead of putting dishes in the dishwasher, I put some back in the cupboard. In one case, it was a glass that was still half full of water.

- I forgot to pay ALL the bills for the month of January, and I forgot that I forgot to pay them, hence my consternation when the late notices started showing up.

- I forgot to put things into my calendar, so I'd sit at my desk as appointment after appointment showed up that I had no recollection of ever scheduling.

- Hambone borrowed my car while his was in the shop, and I called him at work to cry about my car being stolen because I couldn't remember I lending it to him.

And so it goes. Mostly I feel sorry for Hambone, who has been picking up the slack for me for quite a while now. I also feel sorry for the people I forgot to pay in January. What a mess.

Exploring Motherhood

If any readers are still visiting here after my nearly three month hiatus, let me thank you for your persistance. I'm not sure I would have stuck with an boring blog like this for so long.

I do have a good excuse though. Since the middle of December I've been lost in the fog of first trimester pregnancy. For those of you who haven't experienced this, imagine showing up absolutely drunk for every single thing you do. Seriously.

The little hormone game is a riot. For instance, on any normal day I keep between 3 and 7 appointments and then do follow up on all of them. During first trimester, I missed most of the appointments and then went home at 3pm to nap, and I couldn't even muster the energy to worry about it.

Luckily this week lucidity has again returned, so I can pick up where the hormone-addled me left off. What a slacker.

According to Google, this is what the baby's supposed to look like by this time. Hopefully in real life it's not so plasticky-looking.

I do have to state for the record that this is all a little strange...

Yahoo's Christmas Present

Today I received my Christmas present from Yahoo! and am quite pleased.

They sent me a high-end wine opener with assorted tools in a handsome black leather case. It looks great.

After Google's Xmas gift blew my Motherboard, I sure could use some wine.

Thanks Yahoo!

Google's Christmas Gift

This year I received a Christmas gift from Google -- it was a digital picture frame, which they consider a good gift for me, after my company has spent about $130,000 advertising with them.
Actually, I liked the gift too until it blew up my computer. Evidently, this Chinese-made piece of artwork doesn't have a good way to separate electrical currents inside of it, which spelled big trouble for me.

Here's how it shook out for me:
1) I loaded images
2) half of the images were broken, so I plugged the frame back into my computer to fix the images
3) After being satisfied with the images, I put the batteries into the frame to let it run continuously
4) the batteries started to go dry within ten minutes, so I plugged the frame into the wall with the power cord that came with the frame.
5) more images corrupted in the frame, so I plugged the data/USB cord into my computer (forgetting the frame was also plugged into the wall)

6) MY COMPUTER BLACKED OUT AND WOULD NOT RESTART immediately upon inserting the USB cord into my machine.

Now, $600 in repair bills and a week without my computer, I am starting to not like Google's idea for a Christmas gift.

Bah Humbug!

That Xmas Tree is Pimpin'

On our return trip from Iowa, Hambone and I listened to DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince on the Ipod for several hours in a row. One of the songs was called "Pimpin" and it gave detailed descriptions about what is and is NOT pimpin'.

For instance, white socks with black shoes is NOT PIMPIN'

When we decorated our Christmas tree this weekend, Hambone suggested we put my furry purple pimp hat on top of the tree instead of the traditional star or snowflake topper.

After he had adjusted the hat on top of the tree, he stepped back and delared it PIMPIN'.

Gettin' Midwest on those Nachos

In Mid-November, Hambone and I made our annual trip to Iowa, stopping for a visit with some family in Indiana. We watched an IU/UofM game in the stands, where we discovered that they they don't serve any alcohol. :-(

However, after the game we all went to Macri's for a hearty meal. My brothers were very interested to get our take on the nachos there, since we are the self-declared Nacho Connoisseurs.

I'd say those nachos were a 8 of 10. Part of it was that I was RAVENOUS by the time I got them, but to Macri's credit, the chips were fresh and they used real cheese. I deducted two points for using canned Jalapenos, but other than that they were very good.

It was great to see family again, and in Iowa (the next leg of the journey) we were able to catch most of Hambone's siblings too.

Here's what we learned on the trip overall, though: We added up the hours spent driving and it turned out to be 44 total. The trip lasted just over 4 days. That's a lot of driving. From now on we FLY!

Rat Season 2006 Comes to a Close

With the weather starting to turn toward winter, I'm sad to report that our rat season is slowing down.

This year yeilded a respctable 15 rats, however it paled to the armageddon of last year. Total for the overall effort: 38 caugh in traps, and an unspecified number killed underground by the exterminator in 2005.

We didn't post as many gratuitous photos this year because the whole thing has become rather humdrum. Even Maggie doesn't get too excited when there's one in the trap. She goes over there and sniffs a bit, but unless she's got the energy to start playing with it, she just waits for Hambone to get the air rifle.

So now all is quiet on the western front until next June. I thought you'd all want to know.

The New ManPower?

Hambone and I went shopping last weekend and came across this storefront. We were tempted to buy ourselves some Chinese Boys because, well, why not? Seriously, who couldn't use a few Chinese Boys?

The hook for us was the "Free Delivery"

Paparazzi, Part Deux

My new hairdo seems to be the key to outrageous attention. This week Hambone and I appered in the Baltimore Sun for simply being "fabulous". The article is here for today, but may be gone tomorrow. Mostly they took lots of pictures of our home, and then spelled our names wrong in the article. Ah well. I suppose that's the way of the fabulous.

The funny part is that when the photographer came to the house, there was a live rat in the yard in one of Hambone's traps. It was screaming and thrashing around in a very conpsicuous way. It lent a little "white trash" to the event.

The rats keep us grounded. LOL

Technically Speaking

Sometimes the error messages that come on my screen are kind of funny. For instance, lately I get this message every time I use my wireless mouse:

WARNING: THE BATTERIES IN YOUR WIRELESS MOUSE ARE CRITICAL

And I have to wonder, "Critical of what?" Are they insulting my hard drive and this is my computer tattling on this aftermarket mouse?

Or are the batteries criticizing the mouse itself, and this is the mouse asking me for more polite batteries.

Maybe the batteries don't like my new hairdo, and my motherboard is sick of hearing about it.

Either way, I suppose new batteries wouldn't hurt...

In other news, Hambone and I found this handy rack at an antiques store in Pennsylvania:

What We Did Over Labor Day

While many of you out there were attending barbecues and having big social time with family and friends, Hambone and I got it into our heads that we needed to find a Wardrobe to put in our living room because we currently lack a coat closet there.

After shopping the antique malls in the morning, Hambone remembered suddenly that he had a "perfectly good" wardrobe in his warehouse.

When we arrived at the warehouse, we found that the wardrobe had been walked on by his employees with drywall on their shoes, and some of his partners' dogs had peed on it, and the front door was broken in three places, and the shelves were torn out.

Here's a picture:

It didn't look like much, but I had faith. Hambone seemed dedicated to repairing the doors and every other structural problem you can see here, so I thought about how to clean this thing to make it look good again.

I settled on washing it with a scrub brush and dish soap for the really nasty stuff (including the pee) and then this great aerosol wood polish/oil that I found at the Getto Walmart by our house. As a finishing touch, I used Old English to camoflage the scratches and skishes.

Here it is in process--

And, after about 6 hours of just plain swearing at the thing, it was finally finished -- and I have to say it looks great. It's a nice addition to the room.

A Footnote About City Birds

I know you have already heard my adventure with feeding birds, so I won't bore you by rehashing it all. However, what has been interesting is that my yucky neighbor (the one who air dries his underwear on a clothesline in the back yard) has now been inspired to feed the birds.

He sprinkles crumbs in the alley every day, which is only good for attracting pigeons. Great.

Now when Hambone and I leave the house, this is what we see. Every day.

I have to say that this starts our days out on a rather ominous tone. Alfred Hitchcock would be proud of my neighbor's psychological handiwork...